alone and flying

Bermido: The Scourge of Sikatuna Bliss I

2010-01-28T05:53:00.000-08:00

This woman calling herself Elsie Bermido who is known by another name or alias "Ligaya" owes a lot of people money in Bldg. IV Sikatuna Bliss Phase I. She has done a lot of people harm in our part of Bliss Housing.

Who is her protector and close connection in the UP Barangay that she is always given topmost priority and people are summoned to the Barangay Hall everytime she makes a simple telephone call?

In the previous month of December, a female Bliss resident called the attention of Elsie Bermido's daughter Jenny to please close the gate after she went inside. Instead of closing the gate, Jenny Bermido and later supported by her mother, shouted foul words at the Bliss resident and berated the resident down to size. Only for asking for the daughter Jenny to close the gate.

Does the Barangay Operations Center of DILG sanction this kind of act by the Barangay UP people? Does the DILG Secretary look happily upon these kinds of acts by the Barangay UP?

Calling on Sec. Ronaldo Puno. There is apparently a grave abuse of authority being done by the Barangay UP people in relation to Elsie (Ligaya) Bermido!

Kindly caution these people before anything harsh and untoward happens in the near future!

Peepo Pawah!!! and War in Mindanao...

2008-08-13T05:52:00.001-07:00

War is supposedly raging in Mindanao. Many lives are lost, bodies returning home in body bags. Mistakes are happening. All because certain people don't like us ordinary humans being happy, smiling, laughing, enjoying...

Someone said, soon it will be party time for the evil ones, once more. Mr. Shoolee might say, Peepoh Pawah! Peepoh Pawah! Peepoh Pawah! Alwes Peepoh Pawah! What can the Pleepeeno do but Peepoh Pawah! Emen!!! Emen!!!

There will be the left, the New Civil Society of Lesbians NCSL (with a superfashionistavacla now, Tita Fing), the political opposers, FPJ peeps, ERAP peeps, all strong and hale to create a full pack Peepo Pawah! Emen!!! Emen!!! Emen!!!

This time, the senator whose name sounds like pepper, or pimientos in Spanish, is saying that mommy Glo will want to stay in cozy Malacañang beyond the end of her term. Agree? In the meantime, there is haste in receiving and giving instructions to those who will partake of the Peepo Pawah! Emen!!! Emen!!! Emen!!!

Rounds and rounds of meetings will be held. Then the initial small, going to big mobilizations for the Peepo Pawah! Emen!!! Emen!!! Emen!!!

The rebel military might even join! What? The Peepo Pawah! Emen!!! Emen!!! Emen!!!

North Cotabato Vice Gov. Emmanuel Piñol is coming to town with his coterie of hangers: Ms. Isabel Climaco, M. Celso Lobregat, M. Eric Fabian, Gov. Jesus, Ama! Sta. Maria! Ina ng Diyos! Sacdalan, and will be heard at SC on their petition to stop the GRP-MILF peace pact. Isn't abortion a crime? Then Piñol of course is going to talk with the group that wants to hold, softly, now: Peepo Pawah! Emen!!! Emen!!! Emen!!!

Our good vice governor or governor of vice, will go back to Mindanao. But hey, Eid Kabalu is also a target as a true-blue loyal man of the movie King. He will also be talked by those that want, softer still, now: Peepo Pawah! Emen!!! Emen!!! Emen!!!

But forgive me really for saying, but nothing will come out of these idiocy. More will succumb in Mindanao to their deaths. But unless a miracle takes place in Manila all the Peepo Pawah in the world cannot make the opposition sit in Malacañang alongside their friends in the CPP and the Right but not Righteous, New Civil Society of Lesbos, rebellious Horus-inspired Church leaders, along with their immoral drug dealers, money launderers, kidnappers, bank robber friends.

In the end, Mr. Shoolee is right. Let us stop this maniacal Peepo Pawah! and War in Mindanao! Let us give our tired country and people some respite from the soaring high prices of oil, food and all other commodities! If you the lot can't be patriotic, at least be decent enough to commit hara kiri. Shit! Emen!!! Emen!!! Emen!!!

intimacy with God, devotion to man

2008-01-22T22:58:00.000-08:00

for a long time, i was a catholic. now i know not what my religion is, but as far back as i can tell, i enjoyed calling myself Christian. it made me proud. perchance, it must have been my formation. i was brought up a roman catholic and knew no other faith besides.

still and all, one remains God fearing and at the same time, adoring, loving, constantly inspired by a Supreme Being who is the Maker of all things, God.

long ago, i wanted to write a monograph entitled: intimacy with God.

i know that i have had severely serious battles with unpleasant and undesirable, short of alien, people in this world. these are the people who take drugs and do not wish to better their life. the merchants of drugs, weapons of destruction, and those that enjoy the life of other sorts of crime instead of that of gainful employment. these people are excluded from the subject of the missives i wrote below and they shall be the subject of another blog. in the same league as these people -- if it is right to call them that, are the high hats and hyfalutins of society that condescend upon all of us day in and day out.

what i wanted to write about, is our image of Christ, Jesus, God, etc. vis-a-vis the very person seated next to us in the bus, FX, train or standing beside us on the street, walking past us in the mall, along sidewalks, or wherever at whatever time.

it was about, short of being an obssession, one's desire to portray Jesus as someone different from those that paint him, sculpt him, editorialize him, etcetera, etcetera in a manner that is not truly what he is.

we all know that picasso had sought out an italian model for his Jesus. and since catholicism sprouted out of rome's belly, the image we have of Jesus is italian. roman.

far from the truth therefore are the real features of Jesus. so are the real features of the God who is his father. even the anti-thesis of God, is still inspired by the same images romans have taught us all.

Jesus is jewish, his features that of an israelite. surely, he cannot look like a roman as his images show, paintings of him depict him to be and all that. Jesus, as far as we all know, was the son of a carpenter. therefore he was poor. and since as a poor man, he travelled a lot, mud caked upon his feet. sandals, in those days, were poor cousins of the italian closed shoes of today. and even then, if he wore the italian closed shoe pairs in his sojourns, they would not last him that long because he never stopped walking, or so i am made to understand by the bible.

Jesus would be closer to woody allen who looks like the stereotypical jew. or his arab cousins. sunog ang balat, matigas ang balat, buhok, ilalim ng mga kuko, kagitna ng mga daliri, sa nagputik nang buhangin, and his appearance would be closer to our hobos, or taong grasa.

what will it take then, for us to have intimacy with God?

when we are beside our less fortunate brothers who look like shit, we squirm everytime? when someone stinks and smells real foul, we make hideous faces? when we are beside someone with ketong, all the hairs on our body go berserk?

that kind of instant reaction shows our real level of intimacy with God.

it is not the mere tolerance of our less fortunate brethren that we are able to literally hold them in our hands, brush our bodies against theirs, inhale their stink.

imagine, when we say, we love Jesus. what have we been loving him for, all those years? or in which and in whose image did we love him for, anyway? in that italian, fair skinned, handsome, very gentle-looking face, etcetera, etcetera?

let me call that mestiso intimacy. it's half and half. a portion of this and a portion of that. but never whole, never pure, never ever reliable, credible.

at the end of it, it will never be intimacy. mas mabuti pa ang hindi nakakita, o ang nananampalataya nang walang nakikita (tulad ng bulag sa pagkabata) at mas payak at dalisay ang kanyang pag ibig sa Diyos.

perhaps, if i were born blind, and that up to now i cannot see, i wouldn't care if i sit beside a thousand people all looking like hobos. or if i were swept into the middle of the land of the most wretched looking people in the universe. there is where i will find Jesus.

that, is true intimacy.

with Jesus Christ, with God.

(To be continued)

In memoriam, Adrian

2007-12-23T07:47:00.000-08:00

months ago, i wrote a tribute to a great man, adrian cristobal a contemporary of my elders. something about adrian that my elders -- most of them gone now --- used to say became firmly imprinted on my brain, he was a damn good writer. like the late blas ople, jolly benitez and their ilk, even to an extent kit tatad, adrian's writing surprised you. they used to say.

it made you think about how someone could write that good. a fellow writer of mine, belen, wherever she may be now did not have good words for adrian the way my elders do. she reads adrian cristobal, she reads about him, she probably hears of him alright but there's a mountain of difference if you saw the man and knew him and then you get to read what he has written.

that is the case with my elders. they rode with adrian in the lowly jeepneys, they ate lugaw, goto, arroz caldo, mami and other cheap dishes to stave off hunder with him in the poor man's carinderia / turo-turo, in small restaurants in quiapo, drank liquor with him, walked for tens of kilometers when they had no fare money. still that did not stop the man from rising above his stations.

that, most of all is what i admire deeply about the man. i knew adrian only from my elders, my father and his associates; saw him only from very far and wrote silly letters to him and his daugther who i got to meet once and only once. i got to meet jolly benitez more often, even chat with him in small talk on one or two occasions. not more than that.

but adrian, jolly and their ilk, to me will never die. like ninoy aquino, whose death to my mind is still in a suspended state, they will live forever.

surely i care that many will remember and honor their memory when all of them are gone. but as for me, it is enough and just fitting that knowing them, however superficially in person, albeit deeply from their fine repute and larger than life contributions, as well as their positive and benign effect upon other humans, gives me the chance to nurture the living imprint of their persona, their intellect and works.

in that sense, adrian, blas ople, ninoy and hopefully alive for a much longer while jolly benitez, in both the innermost recesses and conscious parts of my brain will always be animated imprints. always alive. always vibrant, oozing with life and their ideas, challenging the world and rocking the wretched, lazy dogs in their sloth and sleep. like me, and a few others besides...

so to you, an icon that i look up to, adrian cristobal, i shall not mourn. i shall not weep. i shall not feel the loss. for there shall always be in my mind, in my heart perchance too, in my soul, that ever stirring icon and a living and breathing script that is the quintessential epitome of the gift that you bequeathed on me though not on purpose but happily received after all.

pouvez vous long de phase mon cher idole!

begone apostles of the order of thule!

2007-12-22T22:56:00.000-08:00

----- that next year, the year of the [ 鼠 ] rat, will be a peaceful year for the philippines.
----- that any ill wind that the jinn and the bearers of the jinn or their multitude, by ones, tens, hundreds and by the thousands, will be repelled by good karma of the peace loving and deeply spiritual filipinos.
----- the twin siblings of hitler of recent times that worship horus and his ilk under the order of thule or the dark kingdom of satan be struck by the fearsome lightning of god's fury.

How many souls more?

2007-01-30T06:31:00.000-08:00

Mayor Benito Astorga. Another soul they taketh...

The first soul they taketh

2006-12-16T00:21:00.000-08:00

Congressman Bersamin, Dec 16, 2006. Today.

Cry for help

2006-12-13T23:59:00.000-08:00

someone said, a lot of souls will be sacrificed. i ponder what it will eventually mean, since i don't know what that friend of mine was talking about.

can anybody help me please?!?

Ewwww! Someone dipped into my brain

2006-08-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

what is your brain pattern?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.
You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.
You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.
You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

yes it is

2006-06-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

i'm fascinated by intelligent design. but i have a lot on my mind right now. keeps coming back all over and over.

n dimensional circuit
energy regeneration
etcetera
etcetera

i bet that lousy phys prof will be opposing again if i rewrite it all down once more. what can he do? we live in a free market of ideas, right? he'd be too chauvinist to just enjoy picking on others. even ancient badong enriqx likes people who have creative spunk, perhaps because he likes to think he's too creative by chance. eh he eh he eh he eh he.

good thing running across that ses with a penchant for ID. nice. blogs well too. hmmm. what a day, getting to the basics once more. sbeen a long, long time. feels good!!!

i know

2006-05-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

i know. i knew then as i kept looking at you. you doubted that it was me after all, or hadn't you? the hair, the hair was offkey. the height was fine. and then later the talk. was fine. and it's all ended now. what do i do? write missives to myself, pretend as if nothing ever transpired...

peace be to me

2006-03-01T02:53:00.000-08:00

hmmm... i'm at peace with my soul, as desiderata admonishes. am i? hope so. it's been a bad year, 2005. suddenly, 2006 is a better one, so what can i say? kudos! maybe it's the pi yaos and the dzis having their effect. and chi lieng (dat it?) working with his kitchen knife.

haaay! i love this year, really! it's a beaut. never been like this year since i opened my eyes on the first day after turning really old and 30. its been centuries since then. and now this 2006 this, eh he eh he eh he! it beats all of the other years put together!!! yeeeey!!!

i wish it were for you all out there fellow bloggers! so i say every night, peace be to me (and prosperity and love and all the kindness and gentleness and tenderness in the world!) you say that's selfish? ya bet it is. eh he eh he eh he!!! heeek!!!!

the good thing about yesterday, today, tomorrow

2005-12-03T13:56:00.000-08:00

it has been a lifting experience all in all. first manny pacquiao; then precious lara quigaman; then the sea games!

a lot will be coming next! whew!!! so much to absorb, so much inpuuut!!!

of course there's the Big One above who's always looking upon us. showering us nearly everyday with more and more blessings, thank you so very much.

as for me, my little project (book), is going on and will not so long become the full length story i had dreamt it would be.

to all those who are helping this beautiful country move forward, kudos to all of you! may God bless you a million times!!! and more power to you!!!

Bereft of Soul and Reason

2005-10-25T01:53:00.000-07:00

The enemies of this government have lost their reason for existence. They have run out of fabrications, canards, lies, half-truths, stupid and idiotic rhetorics, and all their inane excuses for "protest".

All they have left, is their overarching ambition to grab power, to be at the top of the heap, to control the country by whim.

These sorry excuses for humans, compleat nincompoops and mindless animals are now resorting to violent means. They plot to kill once and for all, President Arroyo whom they had wanted dead since day 1.

For some some time now, they have been resorting to extreme, radical measures. The CPP side of their forces engage the government troops in violent attacks almost every day in the provinces.

Their so-called "protesters", mostly recruits of the communists either the lumpen proletariat --- the poorest of the poor --- or the small workers in farms in the country sides, are battling the keepers of the peace in the cities --- most especially in the City of Manila.

Their deep frustration will soon manifest in more and more violence that at a certain point, the people themselves will grow tired of their mindlessness and take them out of the picture.

Let us all hope and pray that they stop. While it is true we have nowhere to go but up, these people are pulling us all down.

Shrinking peso vis the price of oil

2005-09-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

The price of crude oil has been mercilessly fluctuating. It is good that the Philippines is not a major oil producer. The danger of having natural calamities and / or man-made disasters like the raging destabilization of the country could have made us a more pitiable sight were we part of the OPEC.

Like Venezuela, we would have run short of our national production level. And OPEC will declare us quota deficient for what, perhaps hundreds of thousands of barrel per day. Nevertheless, U.S. predicts that crude oil price will reach U.S.$65.00 per barrel by 2006. In the United States, gasoline will be sold at the peso equivalent of Php128.8 per liter by that time. We are still fortunate that at a time when gasoline price in the U.S. went up to as high as our peso equivalent of Php100+++ per liter, our present gasoline pump price is still Php30+ per liter, one-fourths of prices in the U.S. and nearby countries. While Russian crude is in the stages of being further perfected in purity and moisture and other content, its role in the current global oil crisis has been significant. At least, it has been able to bring down the prices in its sphere of influence over certain selected periods in the past months of 2005. Before we even raise our pump prices to more than Php 50.00 per liter of gasoline, let us all pray and do our small share of individual or group lobbying and influencing --- or in whatever else minor or the least manner we can to help. And let us just all hope for positive developments to hit the world market between now and 2006. So that by stroke of divine or human intervention oil prices around the world would not necessarily strike the $65 mark and instead, fall into the $40 or below level if at all that were possible. While this is wishful thinking, there's no fee for dreaming...

I can only wonder what effect to our economy will be if the implementation of the directives to transfer to CNG will finally push through. This is one of the best positive developments that can happen to our country, outside of the international arena.

The CEO in the UN

2005-09-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

The CEO will sit as Chair of the UN Security Council!

It’s a good thing. The CEO being in the UN. I just hope I was the one commissioned to do her speech, eh he eh he eh he. Who knows, that just might happen?

Good luck, Madame CEO!!!

God be with you!!!

Katrina

2005-09-11T21:01:00.000-07:00

I remember in 1992, we gathered a lot of people involved in disaster in this country. Only 19 agencies out of at least 24 came. We fed them lunch and gave them our view about the need for public warning systems. They appreciated the idea but they could not work on it then.

Six years thereafter, a community type of public warning "human network" was experimented in the vicinity of Mayon Volcano. They claimed that when an explosion occurred at Mayon Volcano, there were 0 percent casualties.

This kind of network might not work for another killer earthquake accompanied by a tsunami - the proportions of which would be in the likes of Indonesia et al. Or Hurricane Katrina in the U.S.

A public warning system is effective. It works in tandem with a precision system for disaster detection.

The Philippines is within the earthquake belt. It had already suffered several killer earthquakes in the past. Volcanic eruptions. Mini tsunamis - like the one in Quezon Province.

Definitely, we need a warning system.

Personally, I don't think it has less value than what our prized bright minds are propagandizing all the time, that they need to have people support so they can take over a little office by the River.

What's so special about that office by the River if when there is no warning system, the moment they sit on that office, the River overflows and kills them all without nary an advance sign or aviso? The heck with these idiots.

It is hoped that we can set our priorities right and do away with things stupid, reckless and utterly mediocre. Let's pray that we will not have a disaster in the magnitude of Indonesia-Sri Lanka's tsunami and U.S.' Katrina, for now.

after the storm

2005-09-05T04:46:00.000-07:00

isang has passed and the new storm that developed was in batasan. a lady with multi-colored head gave a press conference and joined cory aquino, jesusa sonora poe aka susan roces, bishop antoni tobiyas as well as the herd of hostile representahives and all became pacific, calm, sober, solemn, meek, humble, loving, joyful, full of temperance, long-suffering, gentle, good and most of all, very devout and faithful to God, before the media cameras.

then the storm began outside batasan where these people's followers were shouting oust the CEO, oust the CEO. and the herd proceeded like sheep full of quietitude, peace and love in their hearts to the congress.

after sitting in their chairs, everyone of the herd transformed into monsters. they caused caustic attacks against the government to be overplayed with media on their lovely faces. their team players initiated violent skirmishes inside and at the door of the house of representatives. then their body language told everyone, they were no longer calm, peaceable, joyful... in a gesture of utter vehemence, they flung documents on the impeachment case against the CEO into the air, the floor, into their own faces and bodies and walked out of the session hall of congress. presidents cory and jesusa poe and little president troll of makati, stood up and joined the walk-out. seeing that their script needed a little caterwauling, the lieutenants of poe, cory aquino, corazon soliman of the multi-colored head and multi-billion ngo bonds skim fame, hooted and shouted at the administration congressmen.

i seem to have a terrible inspiration for new book. some of it relates to the scene described above. i am now selecting a title from my strongest potentials:

24 (PLUS MONTHS) OF CONGRESSIONAL INACTION

DEMOCRATIC INSTITUTE OF MONGOLOID POLITICS

REIGN OF INUTILITY IN RP POLITICS

OPPOSITION’S POWER MARATHON

THE HEROISM OF THE TURDS

VAUNTED WAR FOR TROOT

GARCILLANO “TIP” CONTROVERSY

CRISIS IN SANITY

CRISIS OF THE INSANE

KITSCH ON CENTER STAGE

SAGA OF MISSPENT HOUSE BUDGET

NINCOMPOOP CREATURES ON THE LOOSE

IDIOTS LORDING OVER MEDIA

CORY AND SUSAN’S LOVE TALE

EWAN KO BA SA INYO! PWEH!!!

MISDIRECTED LEGISLATIVE TIME

REIGN OF MENTAL INSTABILITIES

horrible!!! terrible!!!

2005-09-05T04:34:00.000-07:00

someone sent me a picture. but i do not pity the subject of the portrait. i think she deserves it and rightly so.

hero

2005-08-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

on august 20 the chief of a humungous religious group who kept praying over national television for peace. peace. peace. unity. a former CEO spoke during the event that coincided with the birthday celebration of chief. i was waiting for any untoward language. thank the Lord there was none. really none. there were even citations of verses from the bible. (he did come with the main villains of ayala, the man with a milk-product sounding name and the dark troll of makati.)

meanwhile, on the following day, villainesses cory a. and daughter of her capataz ms. denky j.s. joined the incumbent CEO at the edsa shrine. they did not speak awful language during the edsa event but denky j.s. fired her mouth off again after the program commemorating the death of a hero senator.

i guess, ex-ceo big fat shRajah is more my hero for the day. i only wish and pray he will stay that way for a long, long time to come.

haay! salamat

2005-08-09T10:47:00.000-07:00

hmmm.... all's quiet on the political front. good. it's very tiring all in all, having to suffer all those people yakking about the sins of others, massing in the streets like they have nowhere to go and nothing else better to do. it's been several years. all those exposéings do not appear to have a stop though. as if that maricon, that homme du troisième genre is too inspired to make her witness academy a star for all seasons, for ever more.it's been more than three years of crying by the friend of movie king's people that they shouldn't have been stripped of power.it's been more than one year of nuisance by these wonderful estupidos about supposed election fraud. after they deliberately forgot to field watchers due to the costs, and they didn't have the money, mind you, they determined to make it hard for all of us to breathe. they will pollute the air with all that bulls_t that they were cheated and they deserve to sit in power instead of the CEO.i remember distinctly that it was plastered all over the papers that signore manuel portesiti who was one of movie king's closest campaign leaders was accused of kidnapping in june last year by muslim comelec local official hadja rashma hali from Basilan. ms. hali said movie king's lawyers tried to force-coerce-blackmail-threaten her with things they would do to her so that she will testify against the CEO and her government of supposed cheating in the elections.ms. hali filed the charges with the nbi and unfortunately for movie king's lawyers in the then ongoing congressional canvassing they were included in the charges. the lawyers walked out of the canvassing proceedings as a result of ms. hali's case against them. those lawyers denounced ms. hali and government to be engaged in "harassment" against them.--- so they were posturing as if they were supposed to be the good guys. how quaint!signore manuel portesiti is the big boss of that spoiled ex red face who, seven months later, claimed that they were the ones that fire bombed that television studio's ob van in mandaluyong. ¡ese bárbaro! remember how that TV station's ob van burned like hell in january this year? no one was arrested for being the perp of that sad happenstance.aaay! at least having to suffer all those noisy brats and unwell people in the streets of ayala will no longer be a problem.if only i had magic powers by the time they will do it again, i'd make the earth underneath the street open up into a wide gaping chasm and swallow all of them up, including that dark skinned troll of makati and the wife of movie king as well as all those red faced idiots who keep blaming imperialism for how they got sick in the head because of the illness of their moms.haaay!

Is this Love? Is this truly Love?

2005-08-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

You will envy this guy. Before all these happened, his mom was always seen by his side for she went with him (or he went with her) wherever. As in wherever. Where there was a little money to scrape and scrounge. Then mama and son team became somewhat a tiddy biddy greedy, they wanted millions. And so did they get their millions but they ran afoul of some people.

So now, mama and son, taking millions anew, are in the limelight. The son in front, and mama at the back. But look Minimi, son has two other mamas!

Scoundrel of the first order and a former lady chief who took bribes from a cigarette company she filed a case against

Scoundrel and his other 'mama' a renegade church official

in fairness

2005-07-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

in all fairness to the big, fat blob of a person who sits at the High Council of Elders (Read: Senate), he was bruited about in 1999 or thereabouts, or was it later (?) by his own bro, then an Under Minister of Estrada in Farming, that he "might just become PREZ / CEO" by the operation of an accident. hmm...

so, God forbid, we may have edsa III that will essentially be an accident, just to make Kuya Fat Blob the CEO / PREZ. but why should he become that, anyway? well, accidentally, it would be the ideal situation because then, the former Estrada Under Minister, who wanted to undertake oodles and oodles of money making projects for him and Kuya FB at Farming, could now take on the entire country for his money making purposes. and Kuya FB can build more airports, more seaports, more roads and highways, bridges and buildings so that they can have more skimming operations. well and good.

in fairness to the old woman with an almost reverent penchant for the long staff of Abraham, perhaps it is not becoming PREZ / CEO but being a statesperson that is her true reason for asking the sitting one go down. perhaps because she is such a heroine of admirable qualities, a role model as the behavior of her own daughter attests to, no one should be able to fault her for whatever it was that she had recently uttered. it was sincere. there was no gold bullion behind it; it was uncomplicated, she will not share her commissions from the Marcos wealth needlessly and make the situation untenable.

on the other hand, in true fairness to dinky, butch, et al, they do not necessarily want to install Kuya FB but to reinstall themselves one of these days... they do not really want to turn their back on government service: where government is the only way a disowned "ngo" expert can siphon off money from since the bigger and more reliable funders from europe have already rejected them for engaging in the embezzlement of funds intended for the poor beneficiaries they are supposed to be serving.

in fairness to the recent resignees, they merely want to be in the limelight again. they mean no harm to the people, to PGMA, neither do they want to have her killed just lke Estreada.

in fairness to manoy kit, to allien p - the atterney of manoy, they merely wanted the entire country, the entire planet, to hear a tape made by manay ... the most famous chismosa in the High Council of Elders. manay really likes this job, and she has elevated it into a High Art, thus befitting its place in the High Council.

well, in fairness to manay, she did not really want to be presidentita; she just wants to be the reason for a little rock and roll and if people bleed, die and rot in the country, well that is penultimately one fault that she will not want to own. as far as she is concerned, her cases are hounding her left and right that she even had to strike a deal with the devil. well, now that the devil supposedly affixed the signature to their pact, she might just be able to get away with her youthful, girlish misdeeds. and so she would not want to be party to another series of faux pas. let them do their thing, she will only start the music, light the fire and get thee rock and rolling...

in fairness to that troll the dark hoodlum of makati, there is every reason to hold a picnic in his town that is made boring by the impersonal buildings, the intimidating structures and silent streets (on working hours) in his troll domain. its not just because trolls want to poke fun at people, no sir. its precisely because he, the troll, the dark gangland character, simply wants some fellows to have a little talent fee for rice and viands, free styro-packed meals, and of course, the enviable ride to the picnic site -- his troll domain.

in fairness to all the others who are being derogated to for attending picnics, and doing other things besides with the help of a stage, a megaphone or a sound system, they don't really have no grudge against the PREZ / CEO. all they want is gaeity in the streets, the little money from the organizers, the packed meals, the joy ride and the chance to cleanse their lungs by participating in shouting during the event.

in fairness to my friend who says, mapulitika daw ako, hay naku! ewan ko nga ba kung bakit tama siya! hindi ko naman talaga sadyang inibig ang ganitong maging palaisip ukol sa mga piknik, mga matatabang naghahangad ng kapangyarihan sa pamamagitan ng biglaang mga sakuna, mga later na nagpapakababa upang makasilo lamang ng bare-baretang pilak, ginto at iba pang yaman upang masunod lamang ang kanilang mga luhong magpiknik din, mga binabaeng mahilig sa kadramahan at bayolenteng pagwawala, at iba-iba pang samu't-saring mga bagay na hindi naman natatangi kundi sa karamihan sa ating mga pilipino ay naging pangkaraniwan na lamang.

in fairness to all these people who are now ruining the country, perhaps it is their birth right not to let us all sleep in peace...

perhaps, it is their God given gift to be the purveyors, of .... destab....ation.

not to be

2005-07-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

i know now that God had other plans for making me decide not to become president someday. look at what they are doing to the CEO. it's a damn shame that these people without any credibility at all are shouting at the top of their voices: down with the CEO, resign CEO, oust the CEO!

it has become a period of melodrama too. an old woman's daughter crying, her mother --- the old woman --- also stepping into the fray and asking CEO : resign you!!! a "commissioner" in that old woman's contract with a foreign government to transfer billions-worth of riches supposedly coming form europe shipped to the country before the war, is harping on the CEO's allies at the High Council.

they are forever cajoling the young and the soldiers to hasten the eruption of chaos and disorder. meanwhile, crime and its denizens are becoming bolder and bolder. one of these days, the London and Madrid bombings will make a repeat performance (again) here in manila. that will further incense the people and drive frustration and despair into the hearts of many.

why have all these people succumbed to the devil? thank God i am not becoming president.

one day, they will stop

2005-07-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

one of these days, those wonderful persons who keep creating all that noise and hoopla in makati, at mendiola, welcome rotunda, liwasang bonifacio, mehan gardens, plaza miranda, and asking the ceo to leave the post, will stop.

i don't really know how it will happen, but i have a very strong hunch it will happen. maybe God will strike hard at the hearts of these people, if they still have hearts. maybe they will be blinded by a bright light and thereafter see things differently. i really don't know. i am sure though, it will be just short of a miracle. but it is bound to happen.

for one, the cost is so intimidating. at 500 per person, inclusive of food, transport and "attendance fee", streamers, and the lot, the expenses could run to billions. even if dinky soliman, ging deles, mely nicolas-lewis, danny songco, their co-conspirators have 1.7 billion between them, some of it certainly have been spent or posted in time deposit accounts or invested. even if they use the london-based aid ngo that used to help with funds for erap's ouster, all of these will not be enough --- the money of the entire makati business club's group of 11 thrown in and willy parayno's hundreds of millions of skim from customs and bir as well as purisima's own earnings included.

erap's money and ping's chinese connections just won't make the funds unlimited.

that hoodlum in makati, however rich he is now, will certainly want to hold on to his "hard-earned" loot. so what he will dish out will merely be a pittance. plus, it is hard to let others know you've got so much skim, the anti-graft people will run after you. further, he has so many families to feed...

the infamous gangster of makati

neither the money of tita and cousin put together will turn the tide. it was bruited about that U.S.$200M advances (only) was deposited in tita's account created solely for the purpose of the deposit, in australia when she became presidentita. i don't know if this is confirmed. but as a fact, all the treasures in cousin's name that were previously Marcos', were not sequestered by PCGG. plus, all that skim that tita and especially her children got. i remember the malaya printed an item about tita's dyslexia, which was so advanced that Malaya said sometimes when her lungs collapsed, her brain stopped working although her involuntary actions still continue.

i wonder how much skim was derived from those moments of tita's dyslexic attack when those close to her would just shove a piece of paper in front of her and she would thoughtlessly just sign, whatever the cost to the country of her signing that document. how lowly our country had become during tita's reign. it is not a wonder why the palace people even might have encouraged her to just play play play mah jong all day and until the wee hours in the morning. otherwise, others might have discovered her dreaded disease and lose faith in government altogether. (of course miss renee saguingsing says, that she is the heroine of edsa. hmmm... hoy, you should just go on with your wheelings and dealings at heritage hotel and wherever your whims take you. stop meddling with the nation's affairs.)

true enough, tita became filthy rich. but i doubt she will want to spend all her money in just making one simple, teacherly ceo to resign or be ousted. no sir!

perhaps, that is what is providential in all of these. at least some people are happy that they are always paid to attend the rallies, even if the compensation is not something to brag about. although there are some who are not given their due, at least they had a free ride to the rally site and perhaps if they were lucky, would be served packed lunches or dinners or at least, merienda.

the enemies of this government somehow will develop that canny and highly extraordinary expertise of organizing picnics. well, at least dinky says that she possesses that quality already. maybe, she will enhance her party organizing savvy.

one day, i know all of them will run out of steam, cry in the rain, or even land in jail. in that case, they might even become heroes! wow, that is good. some who like to show off by doing hunger strikes, will have something that others have only been seeing in their dreams: weight loss! hmmm... i think that i should join them, ei?

and so, when all the noise and the brouhaha stops, let's all rejoice and pray to God. at least, those people have come to their senses after losing other people's money and their own on occasion.

what is making apprehensive however is this: what if suddenly everyone gets tired of these rally organizers, picnic organizers, party organizers making their Panawagans, creating all that ruckus and racket in the country's prime financial center yet? what if suddenly everyone did not snub them but simply abandoned the entire country and went to any other available place in the planet except here?

well, in that case, the rabble rousers will now be the leaders that they want to be and have feverishly been eager to obtain to. now they will rule over all the land! hep hep, hurray! well, good for them. good for them.

and nothing but the truth...

2005-07-12T05:22:00.000-07:00

if the truth is what the enemies of the CEO want, they should never deny its being heard. their campaign for anarchy will kill the country. but what if a group wises up and wakes up on the wrong side of the bed? they might just render harm to the rabblerousers before the country dies. i bet they are not thinking about that. amen.
Ex-President Corazon Aquino

another one by Corazon Aquino

2005-07-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

the lady rides again! Corazon Aquino, the same lady who was constantly in dusters playing mah jong, who would not be polite to say hi! hello! neither give a glass of water to her husband's thirsty guests nor offer pan de sal as a courtesy, who wanted to divorce her husband several times in Boston, Manhattan, wants the CEO to step down and invokes the memory of her husband and like the renegade cabinet including her capataz' daughter, uses the noble concept of Supreme Sacrifice. and that was for the second time.

Aquino renews plea for Arroyo to quit despite bishops' call

First posted 01:42 pm (Mla time) July 11, 2005
By Joel Francis Guinto

FORMER president Corazon Aquino has reiterated her appeal to President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to resign despite the influential Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines' (CBCP's) refusal to make the same call.

In the same statement she read last Friday, Aquino asked Arroyo to "spare the country" from drawn out impeachment proceedings and "make the supreme sacrifice of resigning."

"This is the fastest and most orderly path to take," Arroyo said in a speech at the De La Salle University in Manila, whose administrators have also called on Arroyo to resign.

Others who made similar calls were 10 of her former Cabinet secretaries, the Makati Business Club (MBC), and a faction of the Liberal Party.

Former president Fidel Ramos however reaffirmed his support to Arroyo, as did many lawmakers and local government officials.

Last Sunday, the CBCP said it would not ask Arroyo to resign but stressed that she should be held accountable for her actions according to the Constitution.

Before she read her statement on Monday, Aquino praised Arroyo's Cabinet secretaries who had left, saying, "We need more Filipinos like them."

Aquino, who like Arroyo rose to power via a People Power revolt, defended her decision. "When Ninoy [former senator Benigno Aquino] offered his life for our country, I also offered my life for our country."

Arroyo is in hot water after she has been linked to alleged wiretapped tapes, which purportedly recorded her conversations with an election official over the supposed manipulation of poll results.
Arroyo has denied rigging the election but nonetheless apologized to the nation for a "lapse in judgement" when she talked to the official during the canvassing of votes.

i wonder at the nerve of this lady. some business associates told me over SMS that she and her people approached mrs. jesusa sonora poe, who we know as susan roces, and proposed a repeat of 1986 EDSA Revolution. so it proves some suspicions that she wants to get back on the saddle once more.

after all, there is that dark monkey on the back of Makati City, and all her former friends from the erstwhile Third Force of the Marcos days. it will not be surprising that the lady Corazon Cojuangco Aquino offered the susan roces --- at least if that is what she merely thinks of and regards ms. poe --- a dimwit --- a share of the Marcos wealth of which she is determined to collect her and her family's, her relatives' and her associates' share of the marcos wealth once Switzerland follows the Agreements made between the Philippine Government and based on the last will and testament of the late Ferdinand E. Marcos.

the greed oozes from the lady. barely 2 days after she and her capataz' daughter, including that most despicable-looking very rich (in Bicol) female ogre who squeezed dry many suppliers' and contractors' of her commissions for the release of their checks from the Department of Budget and Management and fellow renegades and traitors in the cabinet of the CEO rode the tail of the tiger, the lady is at it again.

i admire the ugliness of that woman. the american people helped the country become a star in eastern europe, besting Iran and Nicaragua where people power was experimented before, and monuments to the Filipino people's courage and love for freedom arose in those parts where people were inspired by u.s. support and our people's response to the need for change.

the ugly woman probably reacted sharply to the statement of the CBCP. but the CBCP is not a faction like that abominable antagonist in Dan Browning stories. it is the entire church. my own uncle who is a highly level headed human being, is part of that organization, Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines. we may never get to discuss anything since we followed different lives and different beliefs, but i know deep in my gut that he would not give in to someone like that ugly woman and her rantings and ravings against the CEO.

when she was in the u.s., she and her husband, Sen. Benigno Aquino, lived something like "separate lives". it was exemplified by the fact that Sen. Aquino and herself did their shoppings at the grocery stores using different carts, buying different kinds of food and the poor Sen. Aquino cooking for himself while the ugly woman cooked for herself and supposedly her "family." as if kris, ballsy, noynoy, et al were not Sen. Aquino's children as well.

poor Sen. Aquino, my dad's idol, he was an exile even inside his own house that could not be called home. and now the ugly woman is invoking his memory again. how daft!

strike the iron while it's hot, they say. my dad used to say, when she (the ugly woman) was about 10 years old or thereabouts, during the war, the farmers gathered in front of their villa and said that there was a danger that the japanese will overrun the hacienda (luisita). the hacienda workers said that the japanese will take all the rice they will find in the warehouses. the farmers asked if they could get the rice so that none will remain in the bodegas for the hapones to loot.

the father of ugly woman said: don't take anything. burn all the rice in the bodegas so the japanese will not have a grain of rice to steal.

and so all the rice was burned. and the poor farmers, became just like the japanese. they too were now just like the hated invaders.

the farmers had nothing to eat except an occasional camote, cassava and other wild fruits but no rice. incidents like this helped form ugly woman's resolve to deny when she wants to deny, to grab whatever she could grab and to be like the heinous monster that she is now, albeit surrounded by a tiyanak --- a multi-color headed gremlin who sprang from the loins of his capataz and a berdugo looking husband, a barbarian from batanes and other monster like associates.

Supreme Sacrifice. as if she did not know it was her own cousin who killed Sen. Aquino, her own husband who she had outcast inside their own home. i bet she knows what Supreme Sacrifice meant very well. when Sen. Aquino died, the dollar plummeted to an all time low and never recovered. prices shot sky high and people around the world blamed the Marcoses. the ugly woman blamed and cussed the Marcoses to high heavens. even when she was presidentita, still playing mah jong every day from 1:30 PM until 3 AM at the Corinthian Gardens instead of becoming the presidentita that she was and with exceptions when there were foreign dignitaries. i almost shudder to think that those endless games of mah jong killed her host at Corinthians, lovable TV host Joe Quirino. and its galling to imagine that she keeps saying that she sacrificed her own life when she was presidentita. sacrifice her mah jong betting money, sacrificed her choice of appointments to juicy positions in government as bets in those mah jong games. for as i hear, that is how dolly nazareno, presidentita's mah jong playmate, made her appoint cesar nazareno as chief of the entire national police. how quaint, that!

then she blamed the Marcoses all right for making the country dirt poor...? for bleeding the country dry...? but now she wants all that gold. all that money. and it did not come from central bank. wow! what gutzpah!

i wish that some force in the heavens will conspire against her and her family and circle of monsters. and a huge hurricane will blow them away to kingdom come!

and i pray my uncle, the bishop, and his kind, will dismiss the rantings and ravings of ugly woman as the post-menopausal and sick behavior of a possessed idiot who has nowhere else to go after her own communist friends framed up her family for the killing of many humans in hacienda luisita. (i simply wonder what the Marcos loyalists and Madame Imelda Marcos are all saying and thinking about this Lady and her hyatt 10 of Supreme Sacrifices... i can see that Imee is playing very cool...)

remembering my dad

2005-07-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

my dad used to tell me stories about this man, he was a great man, he said. although he would not agree all of the time with him.

the man's wife was a nightmare, he said. she played mah jong all day and was always inside a room with her amigas, often not even going out of her duster / night dress, just going straight to the play room. when she saw them (my dad and other colleagues of the great man), she would not even offer coffee, juice, not even water!

the man died, my dad and i were shocked! i was in suspended disbelief for years, years, years, decades and up to now there are traces of it. a surrogate for my dad came into the picture who said the man was so good, Marcos chose him to be his successor. Marcos sustained him even when he was away and not in the service of government with U.S.$100,000 deposits every now and then when he called over a pay phone to hide his calls.

suddenly the wife became president! and ambitioned to get hold of the treasures safe kept by Marcos. now she is probably wanting to be in power again, and her lackeys are making trouble just like the other idiots who are altogether enjoying and hating at the same time that they are being labeled destabilizers. she herself said, the CEO must step down.

my dad died on an independence day a few years ago. i miss him. what would he say about the woman who would not even give water to a thirsty guest?

and the words were spoken so the CBCP will follow

2005-07-08T15:25:00.000-07:00

finally it had to come out: a lady, also referred to as chita, who stands to be very, very, shamelessly, filthy rich if only she does her assignment, said the same words too, to the CEO: let thee be removed from thy office. and the daughter of her former capataz (foreman) in a huge hacienda (almost an entire encomienda, actually), that was salvaged by a husband who was killed by her own cousin joins her in a teledrama.

let thee be removed! let thee be removed! but the CEO does not want to budge. perhaps she knows. perhaps she knows.

why did our lady sign all those Agreements with Switzerland and imposed upon the Swiss Federal Government the unspeakable, unconscionable riders and side agreements that she, members of her family, one frankie chavez (who i have always wondered why, would never ever want to leave the public eye), a dark man in makati, possibly one or several senators, a new addition - the daughter of her family's capataz who might no longer be given just crumbs now since she and her spouse had done things that make them deserving of a decent but small slice of the pie, will get percentages from the wealth of the late Marcos?

and so the story goes that she did so from out of a panata. what is that? i remember an aunt who said, that if anyone brought a box of goods in gratitude to malacañang in the old days, the CEO would have it all given away during thursdays to all the people in the compound from the gardener, janitor, utility men upwards. the boxes contained one-half, one or one and a half million goodies then. in the lady's time, her daughter was asked, since the boxes were no longer small boxes, but huge suitcases and multiples of them brought to the palace, if the thursday givings away tradition will still be followed. the lady's daughter quipped: "why should we be giving any of it away. (note: the smallest number of goodies was in the range of ten to twenty five million. the smallest.) look! this is just pittance... this is just small change!"

i know my tita very wel. i had always known her to be frank and candid. i respected her for that, even when at times she could be brutal about it. and she had never ever told a lie, to me at least.

no wonder that the lady has several secret bank accounts including Switzerland and the cayman's island, etcetera, etcetera. there was a time when the Swiss authorities were ready to turn over the Marcos wealth to the country. eveything was in order now, they said. the lady and mr. chavez and the court jesters and the scribes and advisers in the palace of malacañang pressured the swiss authorities at the last minutes prior to the transfer, to deposit the money in and use as a formal conduit, a private and personal bank account (probably it was lady chita's). the Swiss Federal Government authorities, although Peter, the head of the Finance Ministry was also included as one of the beneficiaries of percentages (no doubt a bribe) in the riders or side agreements between the RP-Switzerland undertakings, fumed! the transfer of the Marcos money did not take place.

when a dumdum CEO took over, his minions were happily celebrating in one power trip meeting, since as they said, to be in the position of power, to have access to the real documents and the entire story (well, almost), and to have all that Marcos wealth almost at your fingertips is something... they have truly seen the papers. and in the calculations finance secretary espiritu had said, the new ratio will be U.S. Dollars two is to one Philippine Peso.

and this is only during the beginning of the opening of the flood gates. on their own initiative, the brother of lady chita, and a small man Mr. Fourchez, who was formerly as big as the then reigning CEO, went to Switzerland. they had "waylaid" gold bullion certificates with them that they wanted to encash. or post the value in dollars to their prescribed bank accounts. they did not have the adequate documentation.

the Switzerland Finance institution they were transacting with reported them and they were promptly arrested in Switzerland. two former occupants of malacañang palace, the brother of lady chita and Mr. Fourchez, arrested by Swiss Federal Police! my God! what a terrible shame to our country!

and now lady chita, and daughter of capataz, whose name sounds like the ring of a grandfather's clock (who milked together with her amigas in the "civil society" a dirty bandfloteyshon scheme of hundreds of milions in cold cash), are joining the fray. remove the CEO! REMOVE! REMOVE! REMOVE!

then there are the words: conscience, supreme sacrifice, good of the nation. where does these all leave us? these lady chitas, capataz daughters, their associates, are all pushing us towards the edge of the cliff and they calibratedly, artificially pushed the peso to P56 so that as forecasted (read - planned, plotted), the makati business club will join in the call: REMOVE! REMOVE! REMOVE!

so abs-cbn says the CBCP will follow, as suppposedly some "elder bishops" are telling all of us. are they being promised a share too by lady chita or have they already been included in the incredible side agreements and riders as the very lucky beneficiaries of percentages that will automatically be posted in the bank accounts of their designation? have they no shame too? well, if paper money beckons, bullions shining brightly, beckons stronger.

only time will tell and only time will judge all of them. as they say, God never sleeps. mrs. corazon cojuangco aquino and capataz ka juliano's daughter, God never sleeps.

a wish for nerves

2005-07-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

Everyone is invited. To remove the CEO. Everyone is promised a vote. Remove the CEO. I became happy, in a morbid kind of way, when suddenly the streets of Quiapo, the nooks and crannies of Plaza Miranda and Quiapo Church, all those dirty hellish alleys and pathways that best depict urban blight, on June 30 and July 1 were rid of the dirty and foul smelling people. They usually loiter about, jig, slouch, sleep on sidewalks or corners of their selection. The bigger ones near concaved entrances to stores and other establishments there (I mean the sidewalks). Then I went to ogle the rallies, thinking that I might see familiar faces, friends and associates long time gone from my life right now. Lo and behold! The greasy people were all there. How did you manage to arrive here in Lawton with all these well-dressed people? I asked. I asked the same question to another one in Ayala. They'll pay me 50, one said, proud that he was going to be a statistic in Liwasan. I am told, I am good for 100, the other one in Ayala said. He did not seem proud. He smelled alright and everyone around him made him feel that they knew where the odor was particularly oozing from, the way stale trapped air squirts from a blown tire. I could just imagine how bad they felt being near him. (I felt really very bad, if you ask me. My stomach complained, my lungs whizzed and my nose got a severe beating. But then again, it keeps well to remember, behind some facades, is flesh and blood. Like your own flesh over your bones and like the same blood that runs in our veins. Even Jesus went through that ersatz existence.)

Well good for you. I added several twenties to each of them. For cigarettes, I said. Then later in the evening, I heard Miss Darlene Custudio of Mindanao saying on national television: All those people in the rallies, they really understood what they were there for! They really understood! Oh my God! That is the best understatement I have ever heard in all my life!

Remove the CEO. Remove the CEO. Oust! Oust! Oust! Finally, someone said with grave erudition and deliberation, everyone is now realizing that they have to go to the streets. The son of my father's friend, who anchors a program with a lovely lady on a cable news channel, said that everyone should not feel shy anymore. They should now "act". Hmmm. Then those rebel bees hops. They keep celebrating that oh! so many are now convinced that the CEO should go! Oh! Oh! Oh! These people keep singing the same chorus of the same song that has been oft repeated that it now sounds very deadly boring. Remove the CEO. Remove the CEO. Businessmen, join us now! Chinese Ah Kongs and Wa Ka Ngas and kabises, come over! (Remember Arty Yap!) Wow! I really wish I had the guts to say such things! How quaint.

the beginning of something

2005-07-01T17:45:00.000-07:00

what new word will i find now to describe the funny earthlings who are trying to move heaven and earth to create a war of the worlds scenario in ayala ave.? it's been an exciting past time. at least that's the only way i can get my pent up anger over the traffic and the dirt they are generating out of my system. wonderful, there they go again. hmmm...

that former quisling of the constabolles, whose face is as dark as sat_n's and who looks at you as if you have another one floor of your own newly built building in ayala or any other part of makati (that he considers his fiefdom) to give. except for the polo jacks of the late apo, that he stole in the thousands at the palace by the river after the storm, he appears to be tolerated by the old and noveau riche more than they ever did the apo, after kissing a__ and getting the loan money they needed and not having to pay for it afterward. imagine that hoodlum telling the public servants, get rid of your uniforms and join the fray! hurray for the trafficstoppers and garbagemakers. there's this building where you can have coffee or food and ogle the call center persons buying snacks or meals or whatever. if you look at the windows there they are. their lead trafficstoppers making speeches of all kinds. oh look! that must be a brother Chieftain of the dark avenger from a wee small town named after the evangelist! he's wearing karate kid's head band! but i seem to miss the japanese inscriptions. brother Chieftain also had a speech to make, and spoke he did.

a big crowd that. but after the speeches, the ragged little men and women suddenly flocked to a side of a building and suddenly the 8,000 became 2,000 or less and then in a while it was just around 500. the granddad of morpheus, who's fiercely anti-matrix, was waiting in the wings they say in brother Chieftain's lair. he was supposedly with widowed-lady-speechless-with-hate-and-ersatz-anger. they could not come now. the crowd is getting down to smaller than 500, they'd look like they came to a sleaze joint when the strip show was over.

so they might be consoled by the thought : ah, there is still tomorrow. there will be tomorrow. i wonder now, what kind of speeches will they be keeping in their purses?

old themes i guess. old themes.

meanwhile, i'm browsing the net about initiatives by milf in the south to catch jelele kedefefe. hmm... that's the beginning of something.

sorry...howd you feel? ...

2005-07-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

how would you feel
if they said i hurt you,
and said i hurt you mortally
whether you knew or not
and i said sorry?

how would you feel
if they said i deprived you
and said i robbed you substantially
whether you knew or not
and i said sorry?

how would you feel
if they said i made you a loser
and said i cheated with so much impunity
whether you knew or not
and i said i am deeply sorry...

i hope you feel
what your heart wants you to
and not because they tell you
about things you hardly would
want to entertain

i hope you feel,
that what others' death wish for
themselves, is not necessarily
what desiderata should be
for you.

and most of all, i hope that you feel
that whatever they say
ought not to keep you
asking for vengeance after all
for you are you.

and they who wish ill
for the state of our affairs
and strive to stir Troubles
for everyone of us,
may Karma catch up with them.

soon.

and there was inspiration...

2005-05-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

it's a lovely time. i can't describe the adrenalin, it almost eats up my innards. (it's not just simple gas pain, mind you.) what glory is there when you are inspired. it's like being intimate with... well, you know who. for truly, the One Above is really something to be intimate with. an example. (it's more, really, an ode to a very good friend and likeminded fellow, marie a. who has become s.e.a. coord for Verité. i certainly wish she can read this, but we have lost touch except on one occasion when one of my loved ones passed away.)

..........

as a counterpoint to that mel gibson movie (the passion of the christ) i have always thought about a scene in my mind each time i contemplate on the religious, the spiritual, whatever.

it's the image of a man, who has hardly any occasion to bathe himself. he is so dirty. and he smells. he doesn't have a fashion sense; even if he did, he couldn't afford it. his father a carpenter and is mother a housewife had to feed him and his brothers when they were young. his dad couldn't afford the fringes either. indeed, where he lives or used to live that is, a place that's unlike the tropics where it is humid, could give you bad skin. and he had that. it can make your hair thick and hard, instead of flowing, ala-Palmolive (the flowing, silky hair ads, silly).

there, the wind is hot and is dry it is almost cool. sand, mudlike dirt sticks to his skin. dead skin is not an issue anymore here in my scene. the sequence is that he goes around with people just as filthy as him. in many places, there are those who have better occasions for bathing, since they either have the wherewithal to have precious water delivered or piped to their homes or else, they had their houses built beside the few and far between sources of water themselves. they look down upon this man. and this man has no money (gold nuggets or silver ducats). it is mary from the tribe of Levy and her family who spends for him and his coterie in their sorties. to make the story short, like in an election --- perchance a dirty and uncivilized one --- this man was cheated by the romans, the occupationists (not too much unlike the hitlerian armies) that wanted to colonize not only his country but a major part of the world. at the end of it, he is made to appear to have lost his campaign. all the ads went against him.

and it was easy to swallow, for after all, wasn't he dirty? i believe the washing of the feet is merely the epitomization of Mary, his own distant cousin, being able to be one of the few ones who are able to afford him to have a bath. and for that even she, must be chastised and censured, were it not that her family were very influential in their state at the time. (although at the end of it, she was made to appear a prostitute.)

even josephus the master historian proabably missed the point; for after all, only in asian and similarly situated tropical countries do people go to the bath nearly every day. in many other countries, it is normal not to take a bath and smell good.

that filthy man, the wonderful romans later edified and deified and they even made icons of him that they will sprinkle with perfume up to this day that when you kiss his icon, it smells of fragrance instead of the original scent which i wish not to describe. it is not as much as the lie of the scent that is important: it is the entire view of that happenstance in our cumulative history. after that filthy man and his ilk and those before him roamed the old roads and blazed an uncommon trail, and changed human history, as most gurus do, it would have been more easier to get intimate with him, albeit with more of humanity and what is left that is human and humane in all of us, when the original image was preserved instead of propagating the trappings of a cosmetic existence.

that is why our spiritual advisers, pastors and what not, relish saying mass or officiating in service with all that gold and silver and all things that glitter. whatever is there that is not holy is not necessary; what is truly sacred is not there, and sadly, won't be there anymore. that humaneness and compassion in each of us that makes us more aware of our brothers and sisters in tatters and hunger, the multitudes that are poor and wanting, will blossom; the cataract that makes people unable to see through the barriers between that awfully dichotimized world of the haves and have-nots, will be ripped off.

why, it is okay to dress up, to be suave, even highly fashionable and fastidious to a fault. but it does not have to rob us of our humanity. it is not immoral to be filthy rich and famous. but it does not have to deny us the ability to see what the environment around us wants us to contribute.

i wish therefore, that i share the view with some of us, that we can without fear nor reservation, form a group that worships in a way that all that is cosmetic is shed off and all that is good and gentle, loving and joyful, holy and serene, all that speaks of temperance, and all that inspires real faith and all that reminds us of the true purpose of communion, with God and his filthy but loving and well-loved son, jesus. his mother and all the apostles and saints ... and so on and so forth. boring, huh?

but then, those masterly icons in rome and in many other centers of worshipful activity love their grandeur and pomp. for what purpose? to inspire us for what? even gibson's gore, was meant to prop up the status quo. the true grit of his film is that it caters to base human emotions than encourage an intellectual sojourn. all that blood and violence is no less than the worst images that one can see in morbid crime flicks. no offense meant, but it becomes even more like a celebration of evil than a depiction of pain and an invitation to men and women to compassion. but many are suckers for this kind of fare, after all, and he is blameless in this regard. he and his producers only wanted the money from the gullible and the vulnerable. (i have wished long ago that there are more intelligent film makers who would present the story in a much more simpler light, in a motive-less, partly still artsy but truer-to-reality manner. i doubt if it would merely just invite flies at the box office. on the contrary, it could even be a hit. mel gibson's crime, gore and violent low-class C movie will even possibly pale in comparison because the idea will be presented for the first time in the cinematic medium.)

let there be true inspiration from real intimacy with God. let there be true purpose. may you who identify with these thoughts, however sometimes it can even make you nauseous enough to puke, come join in. perhaps, it's a discovery, or as it were, a revisiting of acquaintances that have deeper nuances, more profound meanings. amen.

love grows

2005-04-02T08:56:00.000-08:00

the man who admonished 'have no fear', 'be not afraid' is in the throes of rejoining his Maker. a fourth of the world prays for his recovery. his colleagues pray for his peaceful passage and the continuance of the lead that he had shown. so be it. it is a sad in a way, but it is just as well a signal to move forward. the massive accomplishments of the man could not have been possible without love. behind all those good deeds, is a hugely powerful, all-consuming love. now that the man shall go, let it be a lesson to many that somehow, in some way, may we be little traps that can capture some of that love and make capital of it. then will love truly grow.

start with a bang

2005-03-18T08:04:00.000-08:00

whatever the jinns are thinking now, i bet that they are running scared. the new year 2005 really started with a bang! the way bombs, gunfire and other blasters have been exploding, it has really been an explosive beginning for the year!

it drives the jinns (demons) away, they say. i have little chinese blood left in me but at the back of my mind, somthing tends to reinforce the belief that all that noise and jazz will keep the baddies away. i hope. imagine turning a dire situation into a source of hope. maybe i am just an incorrigible optimist. which i do admit to being. however, what harm is there in not thinking like the prophets of doom? at least i don't waste my time fretting and frothing in the mouth like those cynics and incurable pessimists to the extreme. my, my! you could find a black hole inside the hearts of these half wits.

blessed be your year

2005-02-08T00:31:00.000-08:00

they say, KUNG HEY FAT CHOI!

well, it should come true, it ought to come true and may g give us all the strength to make it happen. yeah, that too. making it happen, determinism, whatever. there's so much to hope for despite the sham certain cretins are peddling about what we are as a country. looking at their faces, contemplating their pasts, you would wonder how these low lifes can afford to mouth those pitiful excuse for words and propaganda. well, to hell with them and if they don't want kung hey fat choi, so be it! as for us, the hopefulites, come let's celebrate!!! more power to all of you, may your year be full of blessings!!! and praise to all you will accomplish this year, as well as those things you wisely decide undone!

there is hope for the SEA Games

2005-01-05T07:35:00.000-08:00

we will be seeing the people running the seag to help them solve their problems. for those who care let us hope something good will come out of that meeting.

new year meraviglioso

2004-12-31T19:34:00.000-08:00

for once there are no more faults, no more offenses
everything is forgiven --- hoping that every day
of the year will be just as wonderful.

two tragedies

2004-12-18T05:17:00.000-08:00

my heart cries out over the unjustness of two tragic events.

FIRST TALE OF TRAGEDY

there are inane things that happen. one of these is of a man, whose wife went to a free zone town by the sea one may summer's day in 2002. she talked with glib tongued daemons. one of the daemons, whose name is the namesake of the capital city of turkey, hated his fellow jinn whose name and whose entire person has been associated with qrathong blelene - what, an african snake lovers' gang? no a group of half human creatures from the city of oz. the wife was convinced by turkish sounding name daemon that her hubby has to join the contest to choose the new king of the realm. so that the man of the qrathong blelene infamy would not win. turkish sounding name daemon said, hubby has stronger arms than man of qrathong blelene infamy and will defeat him easily in battle. the promised victuals will be purchased with hundreds of millions of pieces of gold and silver. the daemons said, we have billions, trillions, zillions of these! don't worry. hell is a paradise when you see all our wealth. wife salivates.

another companion daemon who talked with wife is the known owner of an old store chain beginning with the letter err. the other daemon, sits at the sensen high house each day except the eve and sabbath day with her son. all of the daemons pitched to convince wife. and wife's eyes grew large at the prospect that her hubby will be king. and she salivates even more. hubby did not like the idea, but to please wife, he gave his conditions:

Condition Number 1. none of the subjects who will cheer for him (hubby) during the contest should ever, ever stage a rally, demonstration, strike, picket, etc.;

Condition Number 2. none of the abovesaid subjects should do an act of violence or any other act that will bring ill repute;

and so on and so forth. so then hubby had to run in the contest, because the lying daemons simply laughed at his conditions and promised everything will be fulfilled to wife. wife easily believed all the daemons, after all, daemons are the classic wicked temptresses and seducers. and who knows what else happened really at that free zone town by the sea? they'll do anything they say just to make you agree. and wife was either gullible or greedy or both. and so hubby joined the contest for king. and died. now wife is trying to mask hubby's death that is her's and the daemons' making; she knows hubby might be claimed by daemons and brought to hell for cavorting with the lowest forms of scumbags, animals and creatures and jinns of all kinds during the contest just to win and be king. she sheds tears over television, she would flood the largest river basin with her tears to make all and sundry think she was never at fault. that it was hubby's sin to join the fray and still other people's sins that hubby allegedly was cheated during the battle, he was called upon with condescendion, etc., etc., and all that shit. such lying imps.

wife, you must stop your ranting. you drove hubby to his death. he may not have been perfect, he was sick, remember? did you hate him so much you had to romance the daemons? be of them? you shit. it was you who had the high ambitions. and you had the flair for drama to stay at the car when hubby got into the arena at the city of pasei's astredome. at the advanced age you are in, you did worse than eve. may lightning strike you a milion times.

THE SECOND TRAGEDY

a young girl trapped in an oven of a bath. in the city of money, wealth, huge banks, enormous corporations, said to be led by a caliph who supposedly extracts one floor of every multi-level pyramid built therein. the caliph is a black ogre of a hoodlum, who grew up scouring his village and other villages for gullibles that he and his fellow daemonic looking characters could threaten to dish out wine money or do some other things besides.

the young girl was trapped. she called and called for help, to no avail. though the firemen were there, they had no equipment. they had no wall busting ball and crane, supposed to be a really ancient and common device to demolish pyramids, temples and the like. the simple ball and crane method uses a wrecking ball that weighs so much to demolish concrete and masonry structures. the money city did not even have one such equipment or could not even shell out a few pesos to rent one. how much more own or rent a more sophisticated one? that's the shitty fact. the money city people pay tax (at least some of it) that this negroid of a caliph lines his pants' and shirt's pockets with and that of his loyal pretender nobles, but can't even buy or rent a ball and crane, one of the oldest wrecking devices. and so the young girl, with a lot of hope ahead for her, dies just because negroid caliph did not have the means to take her out of a simple concrete house. now they're making hay out of the grills in the home of the young girl and all that crap. but no one mentions a ball and a crane could really have saved her life. may that negroid caliph rot while he still breaths and may his children suffer.

to the hubby and the young girl, i say my prayers and offer my condolences to their families (except to hubby's daemonized wife to whom i will not even offer spit). join me please, and let us soothe the souls of these victims of too much injustice. enough, enough already.

unsaid

2004-12-13T10:25:00.000-08:00

so had i to look, just merely,
and my day is filled to overflowing
those splendid eyes, the flowing hair
the brightest smile and electric mirth
that lit up all the world around.
makes me be dizzy more than wine ...
a fire burns within, sounds echo in my
brain. am i lost, how i am... forever...
yet i know not would that i tell Love
what i feel inside this very day.
i wish to share the words i know,
oh how, if i can speak or i can sing;
deep inside i feel heavy with dread ---
will Love take me the way i am?
what if Love can't ever understand...
so then must it just keep
that such things instead
remain unspoken...

what really matters

2004-12-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

hurt and pride made manifest
someone who loved got criticized
and takes it badly. the riposte:
i am more than just my books!
i am more than the things i write!
right.

my neighbor said yucky drafts
shouldn't be seen?
it's not important i said.
if the blog site and drafts can't be
in my blog. doesn't matter.
right.

i'd be careful in keying a command
in my email each time i respond.
the mail you're trying to reply to
might be returned to the sender.
bad.

whatever happens with these
electronic whatnots, at the end of it
what really matters most of all is you.
now i don't get to say that often
and it felt really really good saying.
wow!

afterstorm

2004-12-05T12:15:00.000-08:00

soft breeze, leaves fluttering. bright sun, the song of birds is in the air. do not mind the clutter. the world righted itself. so it is supposed to be in our affairs. we move forward; hope springs from the light and those who suffered may not be as enraptured as some of us, but we pray even for them life would be kind somehow.

to center

2004-12-04T08:54:00.000-08:00

they say that it was the ancient chinese used to pluck growth-retarded trees and the piece of hard rock upon which they grew, their trunks and branches gnarled from severely stunted development. they placed these at a conspicuous spot in their homes. it is said, that the tree that survived such harsch environment reminded them of how men and women should be possessed of spirit formidable, an uncommon courage and endurance to withstand all the odds in the world. the japanese got caught - smitten might be the right word - and now they are the foremost practitioners of the art of bonzai making. they even improved it with the ikebana. in these times, it soothes me to reflect upon the lessons one can cull from both the bonzai and the ikebana. not only do they strengthen my resolve, provide one with a rare inspiration. most of all, they help me in centering my affairs, my life. i wish it were so for my associates as well.

choices

2004-12-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

ten meter high waves. torrents of rain, the stampede of throngs of logs and everything else the logs pushed or carried along in their wake, coming to take you with them or instantly crush you, your house, your family... the horror of dying, of death whispering in your ears, in your soul. i have been safe, but i cannot say i feel lucky at all without rejoicing over another’s loss. it is truly hard to say thank you it wasn’t me who was in those floods. that in recent past, it was the folks in japan, then in china, and now the people of quezon, nueva ecija, pampanga, and ... just because monsieur fourches (mr. branches) did not heed the unsolicited advice on seeding with grass the upper regions that caught the ash fall from the volcano at least fourteen years ago and him and all the other presidents that followed never urged the planting of trees for every single one that was cut. what about the unaccounteds: the peoples of the tribes? they used to live near the seashores but ran upwards and upwards it is said, because men and women of civilization drove them farther and farther away from the source of water. [that it becomes ironic calling some mountain people dumagat (of the Sea) or tausug (People of the Sea), when they live high in the ridges at the ends of the world in antipolo, cainta, montalban, or hardly even own their land in Sulu, Samal, Tawi-Tawi or Basilan and Saluag.] it is certainly trying times, these. i contemplate the new responsibilities, the added load in one's work. the gruelling days and nights that could kill you. even these pale in comparison. how glad one could be that there are those like erich jantsch, who you can read about centering. i'll take on the pain and suffering of having so much work to do, anytime. it is better than having nothing at all to do. i'll swallow even the worst insults added to injury from those who do me wrong. anytime. after all, all those brothers and sisters of ours who fell victim to the wrath of nature surely had lesser, if any, choice at all.

back to nest

2004-11-30T14:06:00.000-08:00

so, no more flying for the meantime. i just posted chapter 2. i am amazed how the chapters are being rearranged as the novel grows. and with so little time to do the writing, i'm a bit happy at how it turned out. thanks for the support of my neighbors. haay, you are all so good and so kind. i dearly hope to see more of you... you are the source of all my inspiration.

flying a lot: seagull report 1

2004-11-22T08:34:00.000-08:00

been flying a lot these days. when i started posting the novel, i was flying over pasig then manila and then to the tip of basilan island. hmmm...

then as i moved to chapter 1, i flew to mainland mindanao. i'm about to fly to karachi. then singapore, london, then new york, where my novel's players will meet their nemesis. its a coincidence that new york is the host to the u.n. but the secret behind the story lies in california really. it just happens that the conflict unfolds in nyc.

well, goodbye to the pigs then. and again, good riddance. fly awaaay!

i'm really really sorry

2004-11-22T08:20:00.000-08:00

a handsome sneaky devil defended a neighbor just because. hmmm, i'm not sure about any of my neighbor's hypothesis whatever there was, and i really am not sure if i killed the hypothesis by my ugliness and my ugly fact. oh, it makes me really sorry. there must be a lot of retrogressing all around. i'm suffering a lot of it. even my own reaction to my fortune teller, another retrogression of sorts, drew a bad reaction from the neighborhood. sed, sed, det eees. well, if i had the power, i would try to stop mercury or saturn or whatever it is that is going retrograde and affecting me and some of the inhabitants of this planet.

otherwise, tomorrow, i'll fly away to another galaxy where retrogrades are few and far between. the hell with the devil and good riddance retrograde. why the hell should i sound correct for others anyhow. and for that reason, why should you? that's pure bull sh*t. so let them churn what you say. bother not with others' reality. yes, indeed, there is time. always time. yehehehehe.

suddenly the erudite

2004-11-20T01:38:00.000-08:00

it was not always that people believed in phantoms. but phantoms just had to be real or else, we would invent them. it was never more unsual than truly plain when the world used to coast along in its sheer ordinariness. there wasn't even distance. eden was merely a string of bushes away from hell. grandmere eba was not separated from grandpere adan by linens and fabrics and whatever else we now wear upon our bodies. imagine how close they were!!!

but then "ghosts" and "ghouls" and "jinns" simply had to increase our memory and vocabulary. daemons and other whatnots. perhaps, enrich is the better word? there even had to be a box attributed to Miss Pandora (Santos - sounds like a school marm, that. whoever she is. hmpp!!!) and that to let that box remain closed was the world's salvation and the peace of all our minds.
someone used to tell me: when grandpere and grandmere adan and eba saw each other, they were truly friendly at first. he said, he still wonders what transpired between grandmere eba and that sneaky snake bitch. they would no longer be friends, but lovers. that sneaky snake bitch!!! so now the true grit is, we start calling ourselves scathed and hurt and foolish when we end our friendships. now we see so much. now we even have daemons to kill and grapple with. we are suddenly wise to deceptions; we are conscious of temptations, and the big word : seduzca, seducir . . . all-consuming passion, moment of forgetting, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. and we become intensely aware not always all too gradually, about that notion of diminishing love, the running-away friendship and the lot.

here in pinas, we know not angst too much nor deep depression - which makes shrinks in the other side of the world ruch. at least to us, it is sort of just an offshoot of moodiness. certainly there are suicides, but how much more of them are actually homicides? as i and my bro were discussing one time during a brief lunch at kfc jupiter st., near makati av. it is better because, as a result, there are too few serial killers here. (unless there are a lot of serial killings, he tells me, that are merely passed off as "salvage killings." i hope he is not right.) i can only hope, that we would rather be eden's children forever instead. to hell with that sneaky snaky bitch. (that's where he-she belongs anyway.) i tell you, there are most certainly people who have never been comfortable about being told, when the big bang occurred, they suddenly became ... at some time! woow!!! i like the science of it; but it does not do anything to certain people's emotions. and beyond that, to their sanity. they would rather really just be their own "simple me." someone would loath the likes of these people for criticism (there is always some one who is a born editor and critic) and cuss them by saying: "hey!!! i am more than my books!!! i am greater than my works!!!" (it happens. not always in this way, but it happens.) so what.

if some people were born a chip, and placed inside a computer, they'd gladly function until they die. and so they are doing what they love. and in their private moments, loving those they should love. but it robs them not of who they surely are. or if it were me, who and what i surely am. it won't change people. they'll always be down there, if it need be, or out right up if that is where they are supposed to be or back left or wherever. it doesn't make them defeatist, fatalist, neither suicidal, masochist nor maniacal. it's just the peopleness. it's the age old plaint of the existentialist. even in technological society, some people shall never be anything but basic. after all, everytime things get complicated, they can always blame the Man Upstairs and submit the appeal to redo this and redo that. but am i glad that people could be basic! yes Virginia!

so shall i.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i'm not really sure how i'll do it, but i think i will die happy. what with the wonderful memory of you!

study of unfinished contemplations

2004-11-19T03:15:00.000-08:00

time is not on our side

today shall i writea mail to meself and the one i love
then shall i send it over the unwired and wired pathways, cringing at the very prospect that
my love will take it as spam, a trojan, a malware or a virus.
and the cleaners shall dispense with what my heart said... my mind conjured.
for yes, they are paid. they are paid thus, to disembody, dissemble what deep inside we
long to say sometimes
to the ones we love.

technology doth breed misunderstanding.
with all its neuter characteristics.
will she want to be with me, until i grow,
like an abstruse piece of waylaid part of a grand
machine that has outlived its usefulness?
worn out, no longer noticed, neither glanced even once
ever more? will she...? will she be the one
who shall say, yes come hither and let us spend life together.
will she appreciate the gesture, and buy the line?
but i am no salesman. will never be. ever be.
so what shall i then make meself content with?

maybe the one mail that i shall send to me self,
a stupid mail to stupid me,
that one i shall treasure.
for it shall make me reach back into my memory.
it shall be a measure of the thoughts i pondered
the vantage upon which my heart stood upon.
the severe phs and the extreme lengths my heart beat
went thru and the full breadth of ionic charges my chemistry
had shamelessly danced to.

so, then shall someone would say: you were vulnerable?
the fates ruled that anyone who wanted
could take advantage of you. you were so
renowned for an ability to be most trusting to be devoted ...
to be the perfect companion. it worked very well because of
who you were.
shall it also say: not the one you loved
deserved such a standard; were not you warned to take a little
more spare time to look beyond, at the tale behind the story?
cannot you have saved yourself the lot of ache
down the road? cannot it had been more right,
to have asked questions and to have trusted
instincts more than your unworthy emotions?

but ........
but ........
but ........

you are pitifully silent and they notice and ask
so why are you gaping? your eyes cast as far
as they can ever go? where is it now, that you wish to go.....?
the lover in one says, who knows more than the Man Upstairs?
i really could not care less.

for i shall be perennially ill.
with this love.

tell me then. is it the wise path to go through?

starting

2004-11-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

hi everyone!

i am starting to post the book i am writing here. my first post is the prologue. it's at http://www.tempestsandspectacle.blogspot.com.

you are most welcome to visit there. please feel free to leave your comments. i know it can stand a lot of improvements. i promise your tips, editing suggestions, recommendations, suggested revisions, will be included in the Acknowledgments.

thanks! i hope we'll see each other at the launching! i'll be giving my first few autographed copies, plus free coffee, food, drinks and other gifts, priority of course to my good neighbors and fellow bloggers (if you'd like to read the book, that is)!

happy blogging!!!

LoneSeagull

response

2004-11-13T02:10:00.000-08:00

somewhere in the depths of one's consciousness, is a memory of a sequence in a colossal play: let there be light... and then, there was light! let there be water... and then there was water! let there be hearth... and then there was hearth! ... then there were creatures, and then there was man, and then there was woman. and God breathed onto them soul... teillhard d'chardin used to propagate the belief, that both living and non organics have soul. in another light, soul is said to be the seat of sensation. ergo, all living and non organics have sensation. have communication.

so why is it, when in japan, in the 70s they were mulling about a system of circuitry so advanced their government was very supportive, and when i asked my teacher in physics that i found out it was possible to make electric current regenerate itself he said, the idea (mine) was far-out. that i must be reading a lot of UFO stories or esoteric stuff!!! that was more or less, just short of saying i was terribly and helplessly insane. that's a lot of b.s. in the vietnam countrysides, around the 80s, where life was so hard, they found a way to put two special coils at the two ends of a flourescent lamp and position it in the environment so that one side receives a set of charged ions or somesuch. and so with the other side. and lo! there was light! (i bet God was there too. even if some of the vietnamese deign to believe.)

but, now, can nanosystems make electric regeneration possible? (at least the way i thought it would be?) i think so. at the molecular level, especially at the atomic level, a lot of things are possible. the most of it (possibilities) would be in the matter of response.

if i say to my brain, dream! it will dream. if i say to my aching stomach, change! it will stabilize. if i tell my heart, trust! then it will really do that. if i say, go! and it will let go. if i say: REMEMBER! then there will be a flood of memories. (but then i will give the command, SIFT! then the filters will work. and all the negatives will be screened, the virus removers will attack the microbes and the firewalls will block the hardassed spywares and adwares and all that lot.) if i say, dance! my heart will beat to the rhythm of the samba, rock, hip hop (even if i like it the least) and all such other wonderful moves. hmmm... but i have to cry out : SING! at least, there would have to be music, di ba?

hello, hello!!! you keep calling to your brother, or sister, and neither he nor she hears. you tell them, this. you tell them, that. they don't care. and then there is one mom, who carries a lot of burdens in her mind and heart, and she goes into an instant fury over you because of all those bad memories. nano, nanoheeeelp!!! :)

the circus of past attempts at increasing response quotients would have been child's play with nanosystems. chemical impulses, molecular play and other new discoveries will be the name of the game in the days to come. but that will depend on how fast man catches on to the call of the times. in times past, they wander deep into the brains of creatures: macaque and rhesus monkeys, rats, guinea pigs all. they were looking for somatosensory responses. they create this and that stimuli just to elicit the little movements of a rat's whisker; twitch of a monkey's eye, and so on and so forth. all in the name of science. but how sad they must have made the lives of all those monkeys, rats and what other animals they put electrical charges on the brains of. all in the name of science, as we say.

good for them to have discovered perhaps one or two perfected techniques for neuro therapy for John Hopkins and all that lot. but now that we are into the age of nano technology, one guesses, that the challenge is going to get bigger but the results much more beneficial. and maybe, just maybe, they don't have to electrecute all those poor animals and make simulated robot-type specimens for their experiments anyhow.

in the end, the level of human or non-organic response will be the key. in the matter of convergence, two different devices that are products of peculiar technologies must be able to communicate with one another. in the world of data com, these communicating technologies must be able to interconnect within the wide realm of space. this is why the concept of synapse has been important to some and they have labored hard to make hay out of it.

at the end of it, i shall go back over and over again to my first love: to see electric power just keep flowing in one medium, without escaping and just keep "repeating" itself. perhaps that could be called, wave or force redundance. (again a form of dance, no?)

like the essence of a human relationship: love. it is both a somatosensory and a psychic experience that never dies out. i guess, it does not for me. i wish it were for all. i wish that it could be as appreciated; after all, we do not really have to read sci-fi, steep ourselves in esoteria, etcetera, etcetera, to be imbued with it. perhaps, our physics college dean and my own physics teacher too at that, mind, did not see the point about this. to be fair, i never did think for once that he did really contemplate the thought that he could filch MERALCO a lot of money if he showed them my theory in paper and the diagrams i drew and how he discouraged me.

the reason why that sorry and forlorn idea got cooked up in the first place is because of how i believe and live love. and that, really was what inspired me. imagine that, my friend, self regenerating electricity. how electric love can be!

something to tell

2004-11-10T13:36:00.000-08:00

between the borders of states such as Honesty, Reticence, Reluctance, Secrecy and Fibbing, there is always something to tell. perhaps God made it so.

some border into that gray area between the national boundaries (becoming stateless). they lie through their teeth all the time and never keep their promises. a lot of times, i fall victim to these kind. you and me and a lot of others, we become victims of the kind. they have no motivations; they shun scruples; they abhor form, as if they have the birth right to creation. in some cases, they are crass materialists. while God and scientists or their perceived theoretical bangs and whatnots compete for the title of Creator, they believe they are either coming in second or running apace. competitors - players too.

however, there is a time that we become most familiar with this kind, or with the thing. at this point we develop the faculty, however meager at the beginning, of staying away from the thing. i wonder however, at how we sometimes wander into the same gray area and become the thing ourselves...

it changes us and considerably so. and then we become very different that sometimes our friends mistake their new perception of us with envy. it is somehow like the blog, more or less read backwards: the glob. monstrous. uncontrollable. amorphous. trying very hard. solicituous. etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. in other ways, how we relate to our relatives and relations become affected. at this time we and them become utter strangers.

it is better not to wander into the gray area most of the time. it is a statelessness that is least desireable. it is akin or worse than being labeled terrorist. it is a region of false hopes and dreams, and often, we come to believe the prevailing propaganda (read: misplaced statements, skewed facts, spurious messages, fake claims, false advertisements, etcetera). therein. and then it is hard to get away. it shows that we were weak in the heart and mind in the first place. and to be drawn in there is merely the manifestation.

how to haul ourselves out of the wretched place? for the propaganda of the devil is stronger? where do we find the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel when everything is grey and fuzzy? how do we connect when grayness promotes an artificial sense of well being in spite of loneliness? at which gate shall we contemplate escape when our vision is blurred?

at that statelessness state, we are no better off than the ones suffering a fate worse than the one suffered by the blind. let it not be then, that we venture into the gray land most often, if indeed, even if but once. if once, let it not happen one more and once over again and then again. for there is no way out.

i am amazed at how the line was delivered by a female and male actor in the series CIA: "You want me to inform on my colleagues?" and the riposte: "Informing is what we do."

even in the world of cloak and dagger and spies, honesty and truth is specially a virtue. so why the heck should we be like the thing and keep on lying our way to hell?:)

flying

2004-11-09T01:16:00.000-08:00

Whew! terrible! had to finish a rep for evaluation purposes of performances during the last three years or so. at home!!! i'm glad my brother is here to help. i'm also happy now it's over. and suddenly hillary duff sings me this song: Any moment, everything can change / Feel the wind on your shoulder, /For a minute, all the world can wait, /Let go of your yesterday. /Can you hear it calling? /Can you feel it in your soul? /Can you trust this longing? /And take control, / Fly, Open up the part of you that wants to hide away / You can shine, Forget about the reasons why you can't in life, / And start to try, cause it's your time, / Time to fly. All your worries, leave them somewhere else, / Find a dream you can follow, / Reach for something, when there's nothing left, / And the world's feeling hollow. / Can you hear it calling? / Can you feel it in your soul? / Can you trust this longing? / And take control, Fly. / Open up the part of you that wants to hide away, You can shine, / Forget about the reasons why you can't in life, / And start to try, cause it's your time, / Time to fly. And when you're down and feel alone, / Just want to run away, / Trust yourself and don't give up, / You know you better than anyone else, / Any moment, everything can change, / Feel the wind on your shoulder, / For a minute, all the world can wait, / Let go of yesterday, Fly / Open up the part of you that wants to hide away / You can shine, Forget about the reasons why you can't in life, / And start to try, Fly. / Forget about the reasons why you can't in life, / And start to try, cause it's your time, / Time to fly. / Any moment, everything can change.

hmmm.... that was a little relaxing. like that song: take a risk, make a wish... and break away... i'll spread my wings and learn how to fly and break away ... fly away... break away... la la la la di da. wow! that's two in a row for a bird like me. i wonder how it is going for the rest of humanity out there now? specially a? how are you my friend? i hope you are fine. me, i'm too tired right now but i prefer not to think about it. i was supposed to report to the manila office today. (did not) i haven't seen the insides of the makati office for quite some time, it's because of all those meetings. now i have to face a lot of stern people in the c-counter houses. yuck! i wonder if they know why people loathe them. sometimes it is easy dealing with those people; sometimes, they could be so nasty. but if it was yvonne, who makes things happen and fast, at least, it's a pleasure always. where could she be at this time? i have seen nary a shadow of that gutsy, lively woman? whatever; i hope she is fine and has a nice person beside her. you would wish that for her, considering. really, sometimes, the good and the best people who don't deserve bad company always manage to snag the wrong ones. euch!!! sad, sad, sad...

this has got to be

2004-11-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

i have to call decstr on the sugg of pia g. today is the arrival of the b from indonesia. it was just necessary to postpone the call because if the b wasn't coming, it would have been foolhardy to begin negotiating. the route came through london pa pala that's why it took so long. this is going to take a lot of creative. this day is, and tomorrow. and the day after. decs, i hope all will go well. and pia, a lot of thanks. e is going to open the account at comm today.

staying home

2004-11-07T14:21:00.000-08:00

not sure if i'd be willing to join the gang today. keep telling myself, have a lot to do, have a lot to do. hmmm... maybe it's the day. just feeling lazy perhaps. slept till almost lunch time. had to fix a brunch. then off to where i had left off last night.

۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩

all the days you spend shuttling from several offices. then you have to attend meetings, all those other assemblies. who wouldn't feel tired, it seems the environment just could suck the energy out of you. i would not even start to think about the pollution and the depressing imagery (sometimes). it's a wonder we survive at all...

for a few times during certain periods, it would be good to lean back and look at the world outside from a distance. from the perspective of your home, you can try to be objective and try to evaluate some of the things you encounter at the work place.

i am particularly dogged by the errors in the computation of the 300% of a particular value yesterday. it comes out in the contract at 3.25 (which is equivalent to 650%) while the actual computation for 300% of 500 is 1.5. how is it? if its using a compounding P (1 + r) why bring 300 to 650 at all ? what values are the trader dependent upon anyway, when in the system, its 3000 to 5000++ that is the standard?

the heck. better to stay at home na nga lang.

۩ ۩ ۩ ۩

۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩

۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩

۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩

۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩

۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩
۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩ ۩

thanks for the invitation

2004-11-07T12:31:00.000-08:00

thank you thank you for the invitation. but i really have to become more familiar with this!

sensation of sensations!

2004-11-07T06:02:00.000-08:00

new developments are afoot. a lotta changes acoming, coming, coming. ze mavia ees mooven. hurd and fust. well, well. thank God enough fur dat. after all, its time for a little change here and there. and the landscape is surely ripe. e’en the man with the large butt in between the teeth was heard of mooven too. and what is dees pray tull, a heeuuugy, heeeuuugy volume of moolah being lent ere and der by an old fat hog in the news? grrrr grrr! at an enormous eeentrest at dat! whooooofff!!! if only mr roy g who is said to be an unc or a lolo (is he of the hispanic or the chinese line, what) could see this!
whatever. but the good thing in the air is that the gang is now on the verge of hmmm... (secret).

i guess, it's a time when you don't need to say, i could die trying! because the (whatever they are) tryings have been a success after all. and right on the mark!!!

phew! it was best not announced. but at times, you can't help just blurting it out!!!

please tell me

2004-11-05T11:55:00.000-08:00

Tell me that you love
Not just because of a blog
Tell me that you love
But something reaches deep into you
Tell me that you love
Because there is both hurt and joy.
That you can hate all you
Want, and yet still care.
So much, so much that there is pain.
And that is truly what Love is.

Tell me that you love
In maybe ways callous, else
In manner fair and winsome,
Tell me that you love
And that the yearning
Is endless... You mistake
That love, for simple illusion.
But the object is real.
The object is here.
And we are, now.
And that is truly what love is.

Tell me that you love
That it is merely not
Just a play of words
To banter about or ideate
A notion that has
Ne'er merely been a dream
And while it invades
Our sleep, it is as real
As the air we breath,
The water we drink
The food that nourishes.
And that is truly what love is.
Oh yes.

Tell me that you love
Because a light keeps you going
Even when there is dark
It gives you strength and knowing.
Tell me that you love
That a scent, a touch, a voice
Gives you some foreboding
But keeps you aware of an omen
Of brighter things to come.
And that is truly what love is.

Tell me that you love
Because there is really nothing
Nothing that can be done
To ward off that feeling
That when someone is right
For you, that someone
Feels the same.
And thus, reaches out
Reaches out to tell you
Too.
And that is truly what love is.

That he loves
Just as much as you love
And that love is you.
It will always be for you.
And that is truly what love is.
Yes, that is truly what love is.

too few ways

2004-11-05T01:46:00.000-08:00

you are right, you are absolutely right (!) when you said, the truth haters suffer from their fears and other undefinable illnesses. eugh!

my little commentito is that in the beginning, in the very beginning of it all it is said, (just a wee bit before Harry Potter was born and the Lord of the Rings was romping in his diapers mind you), there were but a few trails blazed by but a few humans and other creatures alike. to speak was to utter the sound of nature; to exclaim, was to emulate the fury of the surroundings. sound was breeze and wind, was life; sound was true, and sound was Music and also was Word. there used to be no distinction at all between what came to be known as clairvoyant oracles, or telepathy or such other things now called and distinguished as paranormal. for each simple exhalation was a definite meaning. an absolute projection. (for to exhale, in whatever pose you are in at the moment, it is a complete sentence in itself, jah?).

today, i shall always remember, my grandaunt telling me: child, speak not without taking care about what you shall say. for the wind will carry your words and they shall become true. but indeed, as one would learn later, it is after all not the wind carrying my words. my words themselves are the wind, and the wind becomes what will be real.

remember old folks taunting some guy or female back in the countryside: "that old man julian, his tongue is full of venom. watch, each time he will speak about an impending passing of someone in the village, that someone will surely die." is it not true? oh yes, it is, it is.

'tis the wind said i, that brought forth the wretchedness,

'tis the air that brought forth damnation,

but when it all began, 'tis the gentle wind

that prayed let in our midsts be there light,

be there water and man and woman.

and so did it be.

and the One whence came the wind from

was glad.

----- adapted

perhaps, humans tried to blaze as many paths and trails. some of the essences were either diluted, cloaked and hidden, and as time passed, became forgotten. some do it for special, if warped purposes. nevertheless, in the end, those who seek not too deep enough to gain remembrance... shall be lost. as many as there are paths and trails that have been drawn upon the board of life, so shall there be multitudes of mazes and labyrinths and puzzle routes that will confuse not merely a few but many. the fool's tragedy. i will not blame eric fromme, neither modern day psychiatrists and social psychologists nor hannah arendt, ayn rand and fritz perls, much less sigmund freud and carl jung for saying that as many as more than half of humanity suffer from borderline insanity; even this revelation itself, has been trivialized to prevent society from acknowledging it is ill. in czechoslovakia, no offense intended, insane society is a recording company. in the united kingdom, it is a punk group. in the u.s. it is a fun membership site. what?

indeed, the truth spells differently today from one individual to another and yet another and yet another. but only because, woman and man have lost faith in their capacities. there is no more such a thing as word is the wind-word is the wind stuff to the present generations. no more wind is the reality... the truth thing. perhaps, this is a growth, however abnormal or skewed, that civilization must only be forced to accept. society, today some even dare to say, is like a man trying to commit suicide but in each and every attempt the man just won't die....

how sad the fate of the multitudes.... how truly sad. (que horror!) and yet when one opens her or his eyes and really look, there are really but too few paths, often only one or two trails to choose from. makes it more facile to travel. specially so, at the end. for all the few trails and paths come together at the end. where one truly understands.... having come face to face with truth. and there is but one. and it shall remain so, ever more.

have the gist for remaining chapters

2004-11-04T21:16:00.000-08:00

i have found the meat for the remaining chapters. it takes a lot of hard work, very hard and painstaking work. but i hope i have enough strength and courage and commitment to hurdle all of them.

i know it would not be easy; but who knows what energies and powers the world has in store during the writing of the last few pages. (something like 300 to 400 odd, not really just a few hmmm...)

but it is all now on the roll. if and when the grease starts pouring it would be a cinch to finish the book after all. i thank the God above and all the wonderful influences all around. at the very least, all i can say is that it is a happy circumstance, this. i wish i could share it with you. and all who care.

(learning) about this thing called blog

2004-11-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

my neighbor says this about technology: "the problem with technology is people are never really away when they're away." hmmm... my mind drifts to stories about industrial espionage, husband and wife espionage (and counterespionage), boyfriend and girlfriend intelligence (and counterintelligence), mother and daughter father and son countermeasures (and countercountermeasures), etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

but anyhow, i'm learning this thing called blog. i used to write researches, project docs in 1989 and the program was still wordstar. my friends in the office would send it by electronic mail to belgium, germany, etc. the internet was not a fad in those days. in 1995, when globe telecom released their handyphone to subscribers, after getting the feel of the keypads and memorizing the alfa numeric keys, we would use the messaging through texts inside the pockets of our pants when we were negotiating. the people we negotiate with never knew we in our team were "talking" through our cell phones. kept us one or several steps ahead of the other party. and they never knew about it. (until they'll read this blog, eh he eh he eh he!)

when you are in a negotiations posture, watch out for the men and women with their hands in their pockets, bags, pouches, what, all the time. they might be whispering to each other. if they're into other things besides, what the heck, let them do it. it's personal and none of your business. eeeek eeeeek eeeeek!!!

funny but people who are terrified by people, still feel the terror even through the electronic medium. i don't seem to see any point in listening to tirades of brada ooo ess aaah mmmah! beeen laaad ddun over al-jazeerah tele. if it were me, i'd ignore it. at least if i were doing my work just right.

no one ought to get harrassed by or through technology. but some feel they do. and they even use technology to get back! hah! not everyone was born a dolphy, chiquito, a bentot or a bert tawa; well, me neither, but i'd take on my boss any day! (hambog, no?) but yes i would. as i've often told my friends, i would dance and laugh in front of her (or him) so that the tension goes away. until it goes away i won't stop dancing and laughing!!! (how's that for face-to-face technologyless conflict resolution? eh he eh he eh he!!!)

of bosses, peers and other things

2004-11-02T02:06:00.000-08:00

some things in life are attributable to bosses. many things in life we attribute to our colleagues and peers. (most of my successes at least i attribute to my peers.)

i keep thinking about my superiors in various light. in one frame, i see them as benevolent masters. kind, or at least pretending to be, and magnanimous --- or perhaps just trying hard to be. or, they could be the inspiration and source of strength too, or perhaps it's just because your bioelectric capacity is greater that you sap their force into your system. hehehehe. would that it be the rule!

in another frame, bosses could be the supreme idiots in life. someone, with a PhD in dealing with electronics, communications, and the lot, and who was a venerable professor at UP, used to say, when you make a presentation, draw them.

but i said, i am making presentations to the bosses!

yes, true! they may be the bosses, but consider them Low Levels.

(as in grade levels? the answer apparently, is yes. no pun intended to the president, chief justice, senate president and house speaker. the truth is just that, painful somewhat. eh he eh he eh he.)

in other frames, bosses can be the object of fun. or they can be the source of fear, loneliness and despair, or even in some instances, of sexual fantasy. (on the other hand, its mostly bosses who suffer that fate: engaging in sexual fantasizing that they often border on harrassment. and there's no rule that prevents women bosses from doing it too.)

i am glad i experienced how it was to become a boss at 19 years old. and saw how it works with your Subjects. so now, dealing with it would be easy, except that i cannot be a boss again nowadays. hehehehe. i have more or less greater time spent with peers, associates and partners than being boss. so the opportunity for being one is almost nil.

dealing with colleagues, associates, peers on the other hand, is easier. while there are a lot of personalities in this planet that you need to contend with, i find it quite like going through an exciting encyclopaedia of sorts to open each book and read deeply at their pages and find whatever it is you were searching for yesterday.

for a colleague to be another supreme nincompoop, is tolerable. (for a boss to be, is unforgiveable. but why is it so?)

i guess, the acceptability rating of our peers is higher than in a boss-Subject relationship. is it not so? i wonder however if the same rating applies to my colleagues and their wives or as it were, their husbands.

at the end of it, devoid of gender, pretense, devoid of the humungous biases and prejudices that society brings upon us all in our formative and later years, i think that there is greater ease in dealings between bosses and Subjects, between and among peers and business partners specially when each one sincerely anticipates the other's needs and requirements. i think that is all that is needed in the work place. if the master strokes of chess were simply applied in a positive way to relationships instead of to ruin and destroy them, there would be more productivity in the work place than anyone could ever dream of.

a simple straightforward concern. concern that is steeped with real and honest caring. love. unpretentious. unconditional.

perhaps, perhaps, someday, we should all make a religion out of it. anyone?

*******************************************************************

i keep listening to the duet of josh groban's and charlotte church's The Prayer. i cannot help comparing it to the martin regine rendering in their concert where even 1 was there gawking. okay, okay. marvelous! marvelous! but the lyrics, oh the lyrics, simple yet so suave. imagine saying a simple prayer in a song, and in italian. one of the romance languages.

La luche ce tu dai
Nel cuore restera
A ricordarci che
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Quanta fede c'e

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
E'il desiderio che
Ognuno trovi amore
Intorno e dentro a se
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera

hmmm, not too bad really. the flow of the words too facile, and smooth. the graphics in the words are not wanting. that's what makes it a really beautiful set of lyrics. of course, it appeals to what the atheists call "folk ways" (read: prayer, ergo, religion. spiritualism.). but what the heck, it's a truly magnificent piece of work. at least for me. and i love it. before i turn 56 in about a decade and many more years, i could be repeating the lyrics both awake and in my dreams at the very least 10,000 times. ain't it a good song!!! a really good song!!! very uplifting, for those who believe. do you? funny but even though my head is aching, i feel ok.

(must be the makings of a cold... so i should start praying, er... singing now.)

hurts, critiques, pains, offenses etcetera

2004-10-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

i read a little dissertation of sorts on hurts. and i made a comment, that it's not really bad at all for people to get hurt. it changes perspectives, it endows one with wisdom, it envigorates not a few but many. the question however is why can't all people just have the same level of frustration tolerance? i imagine some would say, owws! that's not possible at all.

indeed we were not created alike. so that's supposed to be the answer to why some have a high frustration tolerance and some not. easy huh? but it's not. it's not. some people might have high tolerance for frustration, but when they erupt, they kill or commit suicide. on the other hand, some who have a low capacity for confronting desperation, are able to bounce back and survive. they somehow come to the point of realization: that because of a low tolerance for pain, they would rather just avoid it instead. convenient no?

at the end of it, i say, i'm still for people getting hurt. getting frustrated. not that i am a sadist; neither am i a masochist nor both. (which is more despicable of the two, i don't know. i think they are of the same coin, after all.)

i vote for hurt, because it is a stage not of life, but of or within, the mutitude of bubbles we live in (adapted from tibetan buddhists, not my original idea). not a few would realize, that getting criticized (read: shamed, humiliated, berated, slammed, rapped, etcetera, etcetera) is good. it is like writing and being edited, revised, rewritten.) it happened to me a lot when i was younger. it could still happen to me of course, but probably with trepidation on the part of the one doing the editing. he he he.

i repeated my english teacher's plaint about criticism to his class: people take criticism wrongly, he would say. little do they know that the etymology of the word criticism takes us back to the old world, when in latin they refer to "love" when they speak of criticare, the root word of criticism. what happens when a father, or a mother does not criticize his child or children? there is no criticare. the parent simply doesn't care about the child. is he right or is he right? and it is the same as when my hated editor drew diagonal lines over my text. reduced my 20 page features into kakarampots and kalilipots of five paragraphs. (those paragraphs were not even as enduring as you would think! many of the words therein were already his! -- my editor's i mean.)

the point is, however, to be not criticized is to be unpopular and unloved. therefore, even a simply wayward, addict child who gets a sallying from the mouth of her or his parents, is still a fortunate person. when there is none of the verbal and whatever abuse, expect that addict person to become even a worse substance abuser.

there is more pain in nonchalance, more hurt from indifference. from a cold shoulder. than from being abused, maltreated and / or literally spanked and slapped and bruised. or killed. (hey, wait, we're not into that here!) the cold treatment seems to take away a part of us, seems to even decapitate or castrate us. (i have always wondered how you would use the concept of castrate on the female gender: deovarize? declitorize? ahemmm... i'll never be clinically good at these things... i suppose if i studied to become a doctor instead of as a minimalist, reductivist --- money counter, allocation planner, read: economist.)

thus the greater offense is in the see through look. meaning, the enemy considers you too insignificant to even notice your existence. how hard could that be? well, it's hard. the people i had lived with, would give me that treatment and suddenly, i wanted to go awaaaaaaaay!!!!!!! as far, far awaaaay as i could!!!! and the footnote to that is that a damned fool would try to pry the motivations for the cold treatment. which trap i sort of regularly fall into. (hmp! enough!) so what now? your friend, your worst enemy, gives offense when during or after a spat the friend no longer believes you are alive or exist. how truly sad, lonely and painful that could be.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

someday, someone might still invent something more powerful that indifference to hurt people with. (let's rule out the deadliest viruses, here, in the meantime.) i hope that time will not be soon in coming. why? because if indifference and nonchalance could kill, it is a done deal!!!!!!

playing in my mind and heart

2004-10-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

there are lyrics playing in my mind (and perhaps, yes, in my heart too)

i see every thing that's right for me and you (?)

or else,

i see every thing you've done to me and you
are the one that i can't hide my feelings for, it's true
hmmm... where does that lead to?
i don't know yet.

for a straight two days, i've been working on my book.
until today, actually.

my bida, his name is gene, is now going into the conflict.
after that, his girl to be, katherine, who's already in trouble
as it is, will join up with him, courtesy of her "uncle".

the plot gets into a sweasdfarawegagads from here on.
i hope i'll have many book lovers to read the final result later.

what is there and must never be ignored is love.
love binds a story's characters powerfully, at least to me,
it does. i hope i don't sound melodramatic later.
but it's in me, really.

so what the critics will have to say, later,
abangan!!!

new directions

2004-10-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

i wrote to mang serge. i am about to write to ka obet. i am merely awaiting d's improvements on the text. there is something fresh being offered. i hope that one and gabsy will be happy about it.

having good neighbors

2004-10-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

a very good neighbor writes with a lot of brain and a lot of appeal at the same time. admirable, really. there are other neighbors here naman, who write just as well! i thank God and the Fates for that. at least even if i had very little talent in writing, i am in good company, yeeeeeeeey!!!!

simple joys

2004-10-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

SIMPLE JOYS

THE FIRST PART

when a friend writes to you after like, an era...
when a complete stranger writes you offering extra income...
when a scam and con artist writes to you offering 14 million dollars and you say scram!...
when you call someone who seriously wants to take out a president by force, stupid...
when you hear an old ragged fellow (a hobo) tell a humble man from the province who loves the npa: why do they ( npas ) keep fighting filipinos and keep up with their chairman who has an alien sounding surname...
when your friend says, i will put 6 million in your bank account, if you have 3 valid ids, two colored pictures, a verifiable membership in a non-government organization, just that!...
when you watch cable and it is clear...
when your friend tells you, thanks for your help on my problem. just give me the proof of it later (ugh!)...

when in modern day, you still keep getting shocked by certain events and live to recover from them...

beyond a window

2004-10-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

what is it to some, to dream
perchance to soar above where others never dare
what is it to them, to want to reach
spaces and heights and avenues
beyond and over one's window...

wonder

2004-10-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

it was a wonderful day altogether. despite the slowness of the time, it was a great day. peers getting to acquire that old amer factory branch in cavite. with sprawling ilde ooops idle land waiting to be used. hmm, what a a nice place. hey what's wrong wtih me ? i cnat smee to tyep kqwyt right?

gotta rest...

coffee and tea

2004-10-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

i go for tea more often now. when i go to starbucks, or any other coffee shop, i look for tea most of the time. but i really do have that strange partiality to coffee that i cannot in my life turn my back upon it. it's a wonderful beverage. there's also that ganno herb that they mix with coffee. the herb is from from brazil. i haven't tried it, but i will. i surely will sometime.

to all the coffee addicts out there: hurray! we are the chosen few, aren't we? let's all applaud to that!!!

saturday sickness

2004-10-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

it's almost saturday, again! peeps would go to their gimiks today (friday) and lap all that alcohol, gyrate like crazy to the music, or stay at the corners eyeing a guy or gal or bird or exmen. then comes saturday sickness: dying on the bed from exhaustion, drunkeness and so little sleep. ouch!

better to find a cure... somewhere, there has got to be a cure...!!! help!!! doc!!! give the sorry ones a prescrip! nice! that's it! thanks a lot!

words

2004-07-17T01:36:00.000-07:00

note to a friend

there is nothing better than a play of words
but only if you are a writer
because it helps you to flex your psychic muscles
yes, i know what was in your mind then
i shuddered to think that something had snapped
but no, it was something that revealed.
revealed... revealed.
perchance, something very good.
yes, i hope,
something good, that it will last you a lifetime.
look at the rosebud, and how it uncloses
look at the clouds, and how they untangle
look how they reform, how they seem to not stay
the way they are.
look at the simple.

i wrote a song in 1980 when i was about 19
i certainly hope i remember it pa.
reluctance: i meant to submit it to
the CCP competition. but my hiya, my whatever that is waiting for me
at 56 years old (that i didn't know by then) got ahead of me.
here it is anyway, it was supposed to be
interpreted by a woman with
a very, very high pitch.
soprano or alto soprano
or, take note: by a child or a childrens' choir.

CHILD OF THE MORNING
child of bright new morning
telling are things in your world
signs of dreams now come true
what child's as lucky as you?
watch the day slow rising
ending a long wait anew
...and the clouds gone gently
how such a light shines on you!

CHORUS
years have been counted
before you have come here
to this ground where you stand on
ready to fly to the sun!
the time that had passed
saw your merits acquire
praise, for all that you've made
even those you decided undone!

child of seasons turning
watch as the gray clouds are gone
watch the new day coming
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[i forgot the last lines there, eh he eh he!!!}

child of one tomorrow
real to touch as today
how many deaths have they seen?
if they tell you, bow low
offer the hero a prayer?
repeat chorus

i like the song so much, when i sing it
i sort of choke on the words and want to cry.
maybe its because i am so sentimental
too sentimental for comfort. are you sentimental?
i think that is not
a question i am supposed to ask.
you are a creative person, so you must be.
the real essence of my making kwento
about the reluctance thing
is actually being sucked into
having so much power. yes, i experienced
what i said in that little story.
that is not fiction honest.
but the thought gave in to
another thought
and you are perfectly right.
very right on the dot.
people become reluctant
at giving their all away.
some because they suffered frustration.
that's in your poem, i could see
but that's an all right feeling.
i like frustration.
despair. they're normal feelings.
sentiments. i think if an emotion is worth
a million dollars, which is what it will be
when the world becomes bereft of feeling,
we'd really both be extremely rich ---
but that is if we still live to see that day.
maybe we'll be seventy or eighty then
holding hands
still selling our precious sentimientos
empaticamientos?, simpaticos, emociones
especially, cohones!
whatever.

my, my!!!
[ at least it's better than
eat bulaga, peddling those lousy, tasteless concepts
plus the dancing, dancing stuff
that makes some of us puke.]

for people's sandwiches, candies
donuts
because they eat so much
that is similar
to everything they won't know
the real taste of taste per se. aray!!!

of eras

2004-07-12T00:44:00.000-07:00

a little era

if it be a century, a millenium
an entire era
i'd never shirk being poor
though i can't wear it like a badge
upon my chest,
i can't allow my brethren
not to respect
where life for me began.

were i to be the last of aristocrats
then certainly falling down
as well
i'll accept that fate
but i will try to get up
as high as i can
on my feet,
perchance have i to kneel
to stand
to look.

there is no running
away
when God will claim me
i may have done good or ill
but i must say
whatever it was
i can't shirk from
the dues
i have to pay
just because.

let me then
o God
look you in the eye
when you pronounce
me for
heaven or
for hell
for joy or for suff'ring
so i will know
so i will know.

in too many places

2004-05-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

my friends are in too many places. talking about awful things --- i'd shirked the opportunity of being there -- not in any one of those places. they were at u-belt, at chino roces av., at bayview and amba hotel. which meet did not push through with ? which venue did not get to be used? i certainly would not want them to stop. its a free country....

meanwhile, my other assocs. are in HK doing what they do best, trade financing. i hope they'll be back with pasalubong! woow! i introduced some of my friends on the net to them. here's wishing they would click it off.

lotta diskettes

2004-03-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

i know it won't last long. but there is a need. so i bought 4 boxes of diskettes from National today. 2 pens that i know i will lose in short time. (so what? i like writing with them while they are mine, yet.) lately, i came from the office of tito T and C and company. got my budget for the short-term consultancy.

then it was off to home. i cannot say much. but today was so good. i wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world. i feel so all right that my neighbor can die now.... uggh!!! sorry....

at the R place

2004-02-28T21:31:00.000-08:00

today is a day full of surprises. it was a real high being with P. temp cut off after the disembarking at P at the R place along quezon av. hmm... another heady discussion perhaps in the future? no one really knows. hope to God there is.

hovering

2003-01-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

You keep wondering if you would not find or build a nest, you would not survive... you could just keep flying and flying and think not of nesting. until you find your senses. you have to nest after all...